Dear Pamela,
I am a 45 year old mother of three (one recent college graduate, one community college attendee, and one senior in high school as of next month). For the past 22 years, my whole life has been about my children. I have a Masters of Theology degree and I work as a Chaplain for a home hospice organization, and while my work is very rewarding in nearly every way, financially is not one of them.
What steps can I take to reinvent myself at this juncture in my life when for the last twenty years I have ignored my needs and desires in order to provide my children with the love, care, and nurturing that they needed? Where and how do I begin to focus on me?
Tracy
Dear Tracy,
First let me offer my congratulations to you—you’ve accomplished a lot in your life to ensure that your children had a strong foundation from which to grow. It’s clear that you’ve spent a lot of time giving to others both at home and at work, so now it’s time to turn some of that love, care and nurturing energy towards yourself.
To begin your reinvention, the first thing you must do is to strengthen your self-care muscle. This muscle helps you tune into yourself, see what your spirit needs, and then give it to yourself. Like a real muscle it atrophies if you don’t use it regularly and gets stronger when you challenge it. The very process of reinvention is about doing the heavy-lifting to craft a life and career that’s in tune with your inner desires, and the self-care muscle is at its core. Here is a three-step plan to it build up:
1. Make a "Barbell List." Your first step in strengthening your self-care muscle is to make a list of some big things you’d love to do—your "barbell list". Use sentences like “It would be so much fun to do (insert fun activity here),” or “I’ve always wanted to explore (insert interesting hobby or career choice or place to visit here).” Don’t be afraid to get wild and wacky; if you’ve always wanted salsa dance or to visit New Mexico and throw pottery, put it down. Your goal is to let your inner voice—the one that’s been muffled by taking care of others—have a chance to say what would fill her spirit.
