No Soliciting, Please

KK:  If I get one more automated call from ‘Cathy’ about how underinsured, undersecured and undercredited I am, I will look for the nearest target (which is usually you, Sal) and cause you bodily harm of some kind just to calm myself down.  A quick bitch slap always makes me feel better…until there is a knock on the door.  This time it’s a youngish person (usually a woman) starting out her schpiel with a howdy do, how are you, is the lady of the house in, oh you don’t look old enough to be the lady of the house, I’m working my way through home-college courses and just need a few textbooks.  These people are sociopaths.  They are the nicest, sweetest people until you try to say no to them.  Be very careful about how you do it because, they know where you live!!

SalGal: Yeah, they always do the textbook, school tuition thing.  As soon as they do the bait’n’switch from school to magazines I realize I’ve been duped again, and I have to lash out.  You have to start out nicely with these people because you don’t know at first if they really are entrepreneurs from the neighborhood who just need a signature, or the equivalent of telemarketers but with better shoes and breath spray.

You’d think I would know better by now.  I like your way of dealing with things.  Just yell at them to go away and throw potato chips at them.  Unfortunately, I did that to the last one and he turned out to be the guy trying to deliver The Ancient One’s medication.  Luckily, he dropped it on the lawn as he ran away.