There are so many different kinds of hugs: who knew?
KK: I think it’s safe to say that The Midlife Gals are huggers, no question about it. We give good handshake, but prefer hugs every time. We like to get into someone's sacred physical space with a gesture of humanity at every opportunity. And, truth be told, we like to tweak the non-huggers by doing the same thing. We’re also shovers, arm grabbers and pokers, but those are different columns.SalGal: Speak for yourself, you die-hard Texas woman. I’m still influenced by my years in Hollywood, where people don’t touch each other unless they’re on stage, on a set, or grabbing for a bag of Fritos at the ‘craft-services’ table. The person who wins that last bag of Fritos may put their hand on your arm with an “I’m sorry but I won” touch that makes you feel like a lizard just slithered across your grave.
KK: Someone gave me a 'push/pull' hug the other day, Sal, and that got me to thinking about how many different kinds of hugs there are. I'm convinced that politicians are the ones who invented the push/pull. Here's how it works: When they know they're going to have to hug an on-comer, which is anathema to a push/puller, they steel themselves with stiff, outstretched arms. They know they can take charge of the hug-out by grabbing the person's right shoulder so they can control how close the hugger comes in and at the same time they gently push the hugger's left shoulder away from their body. It's a bizarre feeling and the innocent comes away from a hug like that thinking, "Whoa, what in the hell was that?"
SalGal: At least you got a quasi-hug and some fake affection. People in Hollywood would take that push/pull hug as a major affront to their private space. They would think that it was a bit too intimate and wonder if you were an actor who wanted a part in their next indie film.
KK: I suspect that we've all walked up to a 'hard hugger.' One of our dearest friends is a 'hard hugger.' We've had to train her over the years to go easy on us with her rib-breaking strength. If we didn't love her so much, and if she didn't have one of the world's greatest open-mouthed smiles, we would run screaming from the room at the sight of her arms beckoning us to her bosom. And, she’s a little-bitty thing too. We don’t know where that strength comes from.
SalGal: I have survived many of her hugs but only because I held my breath and stiffened my back in preparation. Only once did I get a collapsed lung, and she apologized profusely and bought me a martini and some oysters on the half-shell at our favorite hang-out. I forgave her, but now when I see her coming I pretend that my arms are glued to my sides. She actually gets that. Texas woman.
KK: Then there is the 'man hug.' We’re talking about the emotionally-challenged man hug here. Some men hug with abandon, especially other men in their families or great men friends. We’re talking about the every-day, painful-slap-on-the-back hug that, while allowing for closeness, does not exclude their manliness. Both heads turn sideways, away from the other's head while they continue to slap the back of their fellow hugger, and they always slap so HARD. Why do they do this? It makes me worry for their safety.
SalGal: Men can’t do that in L.A. or people will think they are a Cryp or Blood and then shoot holes in their living room windows. Either that or someone will invite them to a Rough Sex party at The Sunset Plaza Dingle-Dangle Club.
KK: Every now and then, Sal, I appreciate a good 'big-bosom hug.' This is a foreign conceptual hug for me because when I hug a man, for example, it's flat chest to flat chest with only our breast plates or possibly my strand of pearls separating our internal organs. I always feel loved when I get a 'big-bosom hug,' don't you, Sal? Not only does it cushion the embrace, but if the bosom is big enough, it kind of wraps around you like a hug inside a hug. It just makes me happy.
SalGal: Come here, little sister, cause I’m about to give you a big ole bosom hug to thank you for teaching me how to be a Texan again. It grows on you. I now hug everybody and am known for the ‘hug-from-the-top-and-don’t-touch-below-the-waist-ex-Holllywood-and-I’m-working-on-it’ hug.