How often do you tell yourself “I really should do that”?
We hear others saying the same thing. On the surface, this might not seem like a problem. After all, as human beings, we want to do what we think is “right”. This is a good thing!
We get into trouble, though, when our orientation to living becomes focused on accomplishing things and checking items off of our ever growing “To Do” lists.
Having this type of external focus too easily leads us to spend our daily lives doing things based on what we think we “should” do rather than what we “want”, “need” or mindfully decide to do. As a coach to ambitious and successful women, I frequently witness my clients making decisions because they think they “should” do this, or shouldn’t do that. Do you resonate with this?
“Should-based” living often translates into living on autopilot as we rush to get one more thing done. When we do things we think we “should” do, we believe we are being our best selves, fulfilling our responsibilities well and serving others. However, living this way can be extremely stressful, unhealthy and often undermines living purposefully. I’ve also come to believe that daily decision making and behavior based on “shoulds” can let us off the hook of taking personal responsibility.
When we say “I really should do this”, what we often mean is “I’m doing this because it’s something that I think I’m supposed to do”. It doesn’t matter if we are doing this because culture tells us to, our doctor tells us to, or we are striving to be “good” daughters, friends, wives, parents, or professionals. Making decisions primarily to fulfill shoulds prevents us from mindfully evaluating the task at hand based on its merits and whether or not it helps us achieve the things that we most value.
In essence, should-based living neglects and starves our unique sense of self. Maybe this is why so many of us feel hungry all of the time. Maybe we are craving our own essence, our sense of WHO WE ARE.
