Is Sex Better at 25 or 45?
The expert: Laura Berman, PhD, author of The Passion Prescription: Ten Weeks to Your Best Sex -- Ever!
Why is sex so healthy for us?
Berman: There are several reasons. It boosts the immune system and combats depression, and, because it's exercise, it promotes cardiovascular blood flow. You burn up to 50 calories during 30 minutes of sex, as compared to about 35 calories sitting and reading for 30 minutes.
It also increases your genital blood flow, which helps keep your sexual response healthy. It's the "use it or lose it" phenomenon: Physiologically and clinically, we've found that the more often you have sex, the more you'll respond sexually and the more "in the mood" you'll be.
Why is sex essential for a good relationship?
Berman: The more sexual you are as a couple, the better off you'll be. We've found in our national research that the number-one predictor for emotional connectedness in a relationship is the level of sexual satisfaction of the couple. You acquire a sense of closeness with your partner by having sex. It creates an intimate, romantic world for just the two of you.
Can sex help relieve menopause symptoms?
Berman: Yes. The endorphins sex and orgasms release can help with moodiness and sleeplessness.
Is sex better at 25 or 45?
Berman: Here's the thing: A woman in her 20s may be physically in her prime, but that's just one small part of her sexual response and experience. From what I've seen, older women are more confident and empowered, and they feel more comfortable being uninhibited -- all of which gives them a huge sexual advantage over the twenty-somethings. It's good news all around: A doctor can often fix the physiological issues that women over 40 may be dealing with, and the emotional characteristics that older women possess are really the essential ingredient for a great sex life.
What if your partner has erectile dysfunction, or ED?
Berman: Men who have ED typically shut down sexually. They won't hold hands or be romantic because they associate those things with the lead-up to sex and they don't want to face potential failure. So do make an effort to talk about it as a problem you can tackle together, which may lessen his anxiety. Offer to go to the doctor's appointment with him, even if you just sit in the waiting room.
Once he's been treated, you'll likely have an increase in your sex drive too. We know that the partners of successfully treated men also get a lift, because men who are more sexually confident reach out to their partners more, engage in more foreplay and have less anxiety, which lessens their partners' anxiety as well.
What's crucial is to approach treatment as a team. Your partner needs to understand that just because he took his pill before dinner and he has an erection by the end of the meal, it doesn't mean you're ready to jump into bed. In other words, you don't need to "use" the erection as soon as it happens. Viagra, in particular, has a 12-hour half-life, so he can get the erection, it can soften during foreplay, and then he'll get the erection back.
What are some ways to achieve a better orgasm?
Berman: Decreased vaginal blood flow, which can often be helped by hormone therapy, is one reason midlife women experience less genital sensation or have less intense orgasms. Vibrators can help, and I actually prescribe them to my patients to help them reach different goals. For example, with a mini massager, you can learn to stimulate orgasm by varying the pressure on different areas of your genitals, or you can learn how to achieve orgasm more easily by placing it on your clitoral area, between you and your partner, while you're having intercourse.
Weakening of the pelvic floor muscles causes less intense orgasms too. Childbirth is the most common culprit; women who've had several vaginal births have the most trouble, but even women who've had cesarean births can experience it. Regular Kegel exercises, in which you contract your vaginal muscles as if you're stopping the flow of urine, can help.
