Lastly are the weeds/habits that have long multiple roots going in every direction that tries our patience when it comes to removing them. Our first impulse is to just pull, the top disappears and we feel much better. After all we can’t see it so it must not be there. One or two weeks later, depending on rain, sunshine, and fertilizer, its BACK, we may just yank it off again and again feel so much better. Again, can’t be seen, its not there. This yanking process can go on for months, years or even a life time. Pulling these weeds up, getting ALL the roots and tangles can be difficult, taking patience, perseverance, and persistence. And sometimes when the very thought of these habits being gone is just too scary to imagine, we think we need the weeds in order to live.
This last category of weeds is our coping strategies. Habits we’ve had since childhood. Back then it was about surviving, we had to do something in order to make it through trying situations. These situations could be anywhere from simply knowing how to gain our parents approval and pat on the back to surviving physical, mental or emotional abuse. Because it was about survival as children the habit is deeply ingrained in our gardens, roots go everywhere. Often times we aren’t even aware that the roots are there. As adults these habits/coping strategies may look like over-indulgenous in food, alcohol, drugs, exercise, sex or work. These things keep us from feeling the effects of the roots that are there. If we can’t see it or feel it, its not there, right?!
A time will come when the effects of these weeds begin to make themselves known. This may be when our last child leaves the nest, during a divorce or death or any other time that has a high stress and emotional levels. Acknowledging that there is a weed problem is the first step. There are many other tools to help remove these weeds, talking with a trusted friend, or professional, bodywork, journaling.
Quite often there are one or more emotions attached to theses weeds that continue to feed and fertilize it. Society has labeled these emotions as negative. Expressing anger, sadness, frustrations aren’t always acceptable. In my book, there are no bad emotions; they are all part of the gift of being human. What we do or don’t do with these emotions can create a negative situation. Taking our emotions out on ourselves or someone else can have negative effects. Acknowledgement is often times the biggest first step to starting the weeding process.
