More and more women are living the ultimate do-over: falling for another female. As actress Meredith Baxter, 62, recently told People magazine, the thought of being gay had "never crossed my mind" before she began dating women seven years ago. Meet the new gay-and-gray generation.
Melanie Shore was juggling marriage, motherhood, and a medical career at an urban hospital when suddenly, at age 44, she found herself admiring her best friend in a whole new way. It wasn't just the deep conversations the two shared, although, for Shore, the emotional bond was becoming increasingly intense. It was also the way her friend moved and spoke, her hair, her skin, her eyes. Her friend was so beautiful -- but she was also gay, which made Shore confront a possibility that shook her to the core: Could I be gay too?
Shore had been married for 16 years and enjoyed "a very fulfilling sex life" with her husband. She had no doubt that she loved him. They were raising two wonderful daughters. When she became best friends with a colleague who was a lesbian, she had no idea it would affect her happy life.
Shore began spending more and more time with the colleague and her long-term partner -- going out for drinks or dinner, or just hanging out and talking with their circle of gay friends. This lifestyle appealed to Shore; something about it just felt so comfortable, so right. At the same time, Shore discovered she was similarly drawn to a second woman -- an old chum from high school who had come out as a lesbian and was living in another city.
"It's not like I knew and kept it inside for years," says Shore, who chose to be identified by her maiden name in this story. Nor, she adds, was it just an impulse, "like, 'I want a new car' or 'I want a new boyfriend.' It's 'Holy shit, there's a whole me I didn't know about, and I can't ignore it!'"
Most straight women don't find their sexual orientation changing at midlife. On the other hand, most would readily admit to having been captivated, at least momentarily, by another woman's allure. From kindergarten to retirement home, we size one another up and compare attributes. She has such blue eyes. Wow, what a body. But where is the line between responding to another woman and desiring her? Can you really wake up one morning and discover that you have spent half your life having sex with the wrong gender?
