Ecstatic about oysters, trembling before truffles. But "better than sex?" From personal experience, this noted food critic says no.
I don’t believe in sublimation. And in 18,783 meals as a restaurant critic, give or take two or three hundred, I have never eaten anything that was better than good sex.
I read other critics insisting some extraordinary hand-churned chocolate ice cream is “better than sex.” I wonder, is their sex that perfunctory? Perhaps they are confusing sensuality with sex. A great dish, a sublime layering of shocking, thrilling, unexpected flavors and textures can certainly produce primal sensations -- trembling, heat, a rush not unlike a sexual orgasm. But it doesn’t leave you glued to the ceiling or stunned inside out, or cocooned in a wrapping of sensory vibration somewhere in outer space. That’s what sex can do. That’s what I hope sex does for you. If you still think melting chocolate cake is better than that, go for it.
I remember a long ago late lunch at the counter of the Oyster Bar in Grand Central Station with my man. We ordered two each of eight different oysters, tippling the juice from the shells -- eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and sticky fingers immersed in sea brine, oyster satin and cosmic sea slurp. Me watching my guy, eyes closed, inhaling the sea. Yes, the sounds I make, we make, at such moments of sensuous transcendence, the gasps, the cries of joy, the wordless moans, are like those you hear through the paper-thin walls of roadside motels. That’s not sex or better than sex. It’s just another wonderful moment a man or woman can share with all the same senses we use to register the sensory input of making love.
Don’t think of it as sublimation. Focus on what is, not what isn’t. Just follow your pleasure. If one desire is not available at the moment, seize another. Sneak out of the office early and go to a movie. How dangerous. What fun. Have a Dove Bar. How wicked. Buy yourself lillies or a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. Positively outrageous. Toss Nantucket scallops on linguine with fresh squeezed lemon and cream and share it with a friend. Finish the whole pint of hot fudge chocolate swirl all by yourself. Live in the joy of the moment.
Don’t think of it as sublimation. Feel a sliver of triumph in just living out fantasies, one whim after another.