Step three: In that special tone you’ve reserved for just these words, speak the following: “We need to talk.” If you are wearing reading glasses, they should come off at just this moment and you should chew pensively on one arm of the frame as though considering what to ask for in the divorce documents.
Step four: Listen carefully for the silent scream exploding in his head.
A guy will do virtually anything—and I do mean, anything—to avoid having to “talk.” I think you see where I’m going here.
Now let’s say you’re sleeping with a real dud and you need to advance to extreme measures. Strategy #3 is for you.
Nudge him gently on his shoulder as he lay all comfy beside you and ask him in your sweetest voice to kindly please get your vibrator from your bra drawer—along with the feather-tipped whip, the lube, the rose massage oil, and the hairspray (or whatever). Remember, unlike you, he just came and is in a highly zombie-like, easy-to-manipulate state.
It won’t be lickety-split but in time, he should be depositing a pile of stuff on the bed beside you and then rearranging his pillows to go back to sleep. Start the vibrator up and if you’re so inclined, pop in one of his porn DVD’s (never met a guy who didn’t have at least a hundred stashed somewhere).
Now if he doesn’t get turned on watching you get yourself turned on (or at the very least offer to help), then he really is a dud and you should trade him in pronto. Or failing that, try a girlfriend. They always know what to do.
