Want a Partner? Read This First

One friend of mine, after divorce, really, really, really wanted to be with someone. When she and I spoke, I mentioned the idea of her being more available to meeting someone. She really didn’t get it at first, and I’m not sure I did either. But if I made a list of things that interfered with her having a partner, it would have been easy:  she had been “burned” once, she had teenage kids who needed her, she ran a business or two, she had friends, she was involved in professional organizations, and volunteered her time as well. Given all that, how could someone, a man, partner, lover, possibly have fit into her life?

We also spoke about the importance of her keeping an open mind and an open heart. This had to do with her idea of the type of man that she thought she would be attracted to. And when she did meet someone special, through friends, he was not her type at all. Yet she was intrigued enough to go out with him again. Soon they were staying in motel rooms for privacy, having a total blast discovering each other -- and a lost part of themselves.

Another divorced friend started seeing a man.  She wasn’t sure how she felt about him, whether or not she wanted to see him again or even sleep with him.  It was clear that a decision needed to be made during the next date.

I suggested that she keep an open mind and heart, and see how she felt kissing him.  She thought about my idea, and said she would consider it.  Well the next time I saw her, she was smiling. She realized that his kisses made the decision easy.  Seven years later, they are still together.