With economic strife causing such a high stress environment, what does a couple do when their sex life begins to dwindle? Certainly not all couples’ bedroom activities are suffering; in fact, some couples are finding they have more time at home due to limited resources for nights on the town, ultimately leading to more sex.
The economy impacts couples in a multitude of ways–from feeling stressed out and anxious to experiencing depression and lowered self esteem. These “self” issues are usually sex drive downers. If they want any chance of renewed sex drive, couples must recognize this and learn how to manage their relationships and sex lives during this time. Below are a few tips on how to improve life in the bedroom during the recession.
Basic Sex 101 in Economic Crisis: Keep yourself as upbeat as possible. Exercise, eat right, and do things that cost little to no money to keep some form of happiness in your life. Practice small pleasures like turning the music on while cleaning the house, taking at least three brisk walks a week while listening to music of your choice, or relaxing in a warm bubble bath. Activities like these will help you relax and de-stress in a time of crisis. No matter what, we need our “me” time. It helps us gain perspective and let go—and letting go of stress is a direct path to sex, especially for women.
Hungry for Skin: Humans have a need for skin-to-skin contact, a phenomenon called “Skin Hunger.” I always suggest to my couples to spend at least one day a week naked (Naked Sundays or Naked Days). If it isn’t possible to spend a whole day naked due to children or other guests in the home, arrange a nude evening or afternoon for at least four hours. Send the kids to a babysitter, and kick anyone else in the house out for the day/evening. Couples truly become more bonded through skin to skin touch.
While embracing, couples produce a neurochemical called Oxytocin from their pituitary gland. Oxytocin allows us to bond and connect with our partners. So the idea is to embrace one another naked and do some daily routines naked. Cook dinner, have a glass of wine, watch a movie…all while completely nude. You gain an enhanced interpersonal connection and some extra fun, as well as a new facet of your relationship. If you have body image issues, it is important to get comfortable with yourself. Spend a bit of time naked alone before you move forward with your partner. And be creative! If your stomach area bothers you, wrap a sash around the belly and let the rest of your skin out.
Novelty is Nice: One of the best ways to keep a sex life going is through novelty. In economic hardship, experimentation should be at its highest. One of the things I suggest to clients is trying something new with your partner. This doesn’t mean planning a trip to southern France. What it does mean is you should think about the options you have for entertaining yourselves on limited funds. Many couples enjoy having a naked candlelight picnic in the living room. Cook what you would normally cook for dinner, set up a blanket and some plates/silverware, pop open a bottle of wine and enjoy a new experience.
For some added fun, couples can bring some fresh fruit and whipped cream and play with one another after dinner. Put whipped cream on a strawberry and feed it to one another to add a little extra spice. Slather whipped cream on your partner’s lips and lick it off. When couples are regularly novel with one another (at least once a month but better on at least a biweekly basis), their relationship stays exciting. It also allows for deep bonding through the experience of trying something new with each other. By keeping your sex life fresh, you should be able to reduce stress and increase daily happiness, even as you brace yourself through the rest of the recession.
Dr. Debra Laino, DHS, M.ED., is a board certified sexologist/sex therapist with more than 10 years of professional experience in helping individuals and couples to identify, address and overcome their intimacy issues. She is a regular columnist for Sex Appeal magazine and she has appeared frequently on Playboy Radio, WKEST San Francisco Talk Therapy and many other stations around the country. Her book Trolley Square is available through SynergEBooks, and her intimacy guide, Love for All Eternity – Guide to Intimacy, is available through RKR Publishing. For more information on Dr. Laino, visit www.delawaresexdoc.com.