It’s a sad fact that there’s almost nothing as motivating for men as either sex or the promise of sex.
For seals, it’s raw fish. For puppies, it’s bacon treats. For human toddlers, it’s M & M’s. And for human males, it’s sex.
Most species can be trained with the proper reward, and for men, married or otherwise, that usually means sex. I don’t mean to sound obnoxiously anti-feminist or happy housewife-ish about this: after all, I’m a social psychologist, a working wife married to a working husband, but my research shows that this is an instantly effective means-to-an-end solution to marital troubles. To get your husband to do what you want—build the children a swingset, paint the bathroom, cook dinner—you will need to offer him some incentive, and telling him it’s good for the marriage will not usually do the trick. It’s a sad fact that there’s almost nothing as motivating for men as either sex or the promise of sex.
Lest you doubt my declaration, hear me out. I’ve just written a book The Superior Wife Syndrome, due in September from Touchstone, where I explore this issue in depth. My extensive survey research reveals that wives are almost always the ones in the family who are better at managing and organizing and deciding, and that, sometimes, the only way to get your husband with the program is to reward him with your most available and reliable asset: your sexual favors. I don’t mean that you should make sexual bartering a way of life—he’s not a circus seal, alas—just that you should use it sparingly when appropriate.
Some of the wives I interviewed confessed to giving out “sex coupons,” to be doled out when husband cleans the house or cooks dinner or stays home with the kids all day on Saturday. That’s a sad statement, and less about how manipulative some wives are and more about how lazy and irresponsible many husbands seem to be.
Stay tuned here for weekly updates on what makes a superior wife superior and other tidbits from my findings.
