Our relationship was not standard. We dated for a few years, but never properly (with “properly” meaning monogamously). We had what could be called a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that we never even discussed; we just understood. My reason was because, though I was crazy about him, there was always a void there that I looked to others to fill. I imagine he had any number of reasons.
Though it was never great, the relationship was good in many ways. There were a lot of good times. We would laugh over dinner at some popular NYC restaurant, sometimes “making out” in the restaurant bathroom or the back of the taxi, Once we even fooled around at the rooftop bar at the Peninsula Hotel. And as talkative as we both could be, we were pretty poor communicators as it related to each other, so there was a lot that went unsaid that should not have. (Note to self: not a good way to have a relationship…even a superficial one).
When we were finally done with each other, it ended quietly, though not well. Quietly in that there was no big blow-out; I didn’t scream or yell or throw things or key his car or call him a bunch of MFs. Not well in that I was angry and hurt, but just kinda sucked it up. We never really even talked about it. He had behaved badly and was pretty cowardly about it, and we both just walked away. We (okay, I) just stopped speaking because it was just too preposterous to even discuss.
During the time we were seeing each other, he had a baby and somehow neglected to mention it to me until she was about six months old. (Actually, he had two, but I’ll get to that). Now, because we were both seeing other people, I do understand how this could happen. I’m pretty sure, though, that he was still supposed to tell me that he impregnated someone and would soon be a father. I’m thinking he should have told me, say, six months before the baby was born, not six months after. So, we faded away from each other after that. He had a new family to tend to and I couldn’t see a reason to try to fit in there. Plus, I was really, really bothered that he hadn’t been upfront about this whole scenario. Within a year or so, he started to reappear. He thought we could pick up where we left off. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea but babies do happen sometimes and the parents don’t always work it out. Besides, I did like him and I must not have been very busy with anyone important at that moment. He was really good at talking me into why we should start seeing each other again. But guess what: before I could get to “yes”, he got the same chick pregnant a second time! While he’s convincing me to give him another try… He was too chickenshit to even tell me. I heard about it from a friend.
