Rachel Greenwald, dating coach and author of Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date, has helped 712 couples find love. Now, she's ready to take on the MORE community. Have a dating question for Rachel? Submit it here.
Dear Rachel,
I’m single at 44 years old, and men who are near my age seem only to be interested in younger women. I’m active and feel very young, and everyone says I look much younger than my age, but when men in their forties can (and do) date women in their thirties, and when they don’t even respond to my emails through online dating, it makes me feel ancient! How can I overcome this problem?
Signed,
Ancient in Atlanta
Dear Ancient,
This is a real issue, and I see it everywhere. Men in their 40’s often date women in their 30’s (even 20’s!); men in their 50’s often date women in their 40’s (even 30’s!). This leaves a gaping hole in the singles arena of fabulous women looking for men near their age. The U.S. Census (2008) echoes this problem: there are 30 million single women and only 20 million single men over 40. Yikes! It reminds me of the lost-sock-in-the-dryer phenomenon: you put two socks in the clothes dryer, but only one sock comes out. Where did the other sock go? And where did all the single men your age go? The answer is that men date younger, and men die younger too.
Okay, so we know the reality and it’s unfair, but it’s not hopeless. It requires a shift in your thinking to view this problem differently. Instead of asking yourself, “Why do men in their 40’s think I’m too old?”, you should be asking, “Who thinks I’m young? And who thinks I’m hot?” Now, with these questions, there seem to be two answers: much older men and much younger men. Fifty to 60-year old men think a 44-year old is young, and some men in their late 20’s and 30’s think a 44-year old is hot.
