Rachel Greenwald, dating coach and author of Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date, has helped 712 couples find love. Now, she's ready to take on the MORE community. Have a dating question for Rachel? Submit it here.
Dear Rachel,
I am 50 pounds overweight and single. I have struggled with my weight for years, and have tried more diets than I care to remember. In my profession (I’m a Chef at an Italian restaurant), it’s an occupational hazard to be on a diet! I’m 43 years old now, and I seriously doubt that I will ever find love outside the kitchen. On the few occasions when I have a date, I am so preoccupied with my appearance (feeling self-conscious about how fat I am), that I can’t relax. I end up ruining the evening by either barely talking to the man or saying ridiculous things because of my nerves. I think it has been more than six years since I’ve had a second date. My friends and family reassure me that my fabulous personality will eventually attract Mr. Right, but I can’t seem to overcome my body hang-ups around men to show them what I’m really made of.
What can I do to improve my love life? I don’t want to end up alone. Should I try another diet and hope the next one works, then maybe start trying to date again?
Signed,
A “Heavy” Dose of Self-Pity in Houston
Dear Heavy Dose,
I will not throw a pity party for you! Okay, so you’re plus-size (like millions of other curvy women). But I think the biggest problem is your head, rather than your body. Does someone have to be thin to find love? Clearly not. Look around you. Overweight men and women date, fall in love, and get married all the time, and not necessarily to each other. While I will grant you that someone with a fit body has an easier time attracting more interest in the dating world, it is true more often than not that personality is the driving force behind long term romantic chemistry. In my interviews with 1,000 men for my new book, “Why He Didn’t Call You Back,” one guy summed it up by by saying, “The really hot women—the ones with the best faces and bodies—are usually the most insecure or the most selfish. That’s not what I want in a long term partner.”
