I feel the goose bumps spread across my legs and arms as if a wave of cold water has crashed over me.
Each and every stubble of hair is now standing at attention, and I can hear my heart beating faster and harder.
In my chest there is a sensation that my lungs are being crushed, and the heat vibration radiates out from my core, making me shake visibly.
I'm not scared, although it may seem like it. And I am not cold as I sit by the fireplace in this cozy condo we share.
I am in love, and the object of my desire and deep feeling has just walked into the room and is smiling at me.
It has taken many years to get to this point of such strong feelings. I thought that I had felt it before. I know that I had said those three little words, and I meant them at that time. Those men whom I allowed to grace my existence all those years back had prepared me for this time, with this man.
I knew back then that relationships were not permanent; I was keen enough to know that nothing lasts forever. I approached each liaison as if it were temporary; a rest stop on the highway of love. I was seeking without looking. I was hoping for Mr. Right to come along. Each man that I dated or had a relationship with was a trial, an error, and a lesson to be learned.
I learned a lot about myself during those lengthy (or brief) encounters. What I would tolerate and what I wouldn't. Who I was and what I really wanted in a man. I knew somewhere, sometime, I might meet him so when I became attached to someone, my heart wasn't fully into it.
I knew "that guy" was not "the one".
I took risks with love. I felt that it was a necessary evil. To allow those feelings of attachment and desire fill my near empty heart and give it just enough warmth to keep my feet plodding along. I truly believed that Mr. Right For Me was out there somewhere. I wanted to find him.
