Not All Are Called to be Mothers
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Thank you, ladies, for all of your wonderful comments. Yes, if children were meant to be in my life, I would have loved them and not been able to imagine life without them. That's how I feel about my cats. :) But not having them, I don't miss them and just feel this is the way it was meant to be. Because we don't really hear that message much today, I felt the need to write it. Thank you for your support.
Wonderful topic to explore that has been under-explored—nicely penned--- i do have kids-3-my first and 3rd unplanned---i was in the process of applying for my PhD when i discovered i was pregnant---i was not happy---totally unexpected---i'd been married 7 years & by then knew my marriage was not satisfying--For a nano-second, I considered my options--'a nano second' is what i've told all my daughters--simply the truth. back then, i talked lots about not having kids---as a mental health care professional, i often saw what parenthood looked like in its most unappealing form---not everyone is wired for children---we need to get this message out---i would have been ok without kids-i believe i'm better because of them but that's just me- And let's be real: how many parents would say otherwise? Lots of ways to nurture-lots-
What a beautiful piece...I am also single and without children, by choice. I love kids, I make a point to have them in my life and to cherish their energy. But there is little about having my own that fits into my vision of my life, and my goals for living a happy one. I'm sure I could be happy with a child and that it would be an amazing experience, I just can't identify with it as my experience, and take issue with the idea that it absolutely needs to be. It doesn't, and there are too many people who jump into motherhood with little joy, and it shows, both in their own view of the world, and in their parenting. Kids deserve better.
I always figured I would have children. After about 4 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to "not avoid" conception. However, nothing brewed, as it were. We did a bit of fertility stuff but then decided it was not worth the cost or the stress. If was going to happen, it was going to happen. And nothing ever happened. Not having children has allowed us to do some things we might not have done - such as start a business literally from ground up and become involved in some volunteer work that we might not have done, had we had children. The regrets are few. We thoroughly enjoy our freedom and a more comfortable lifestyle than we might have had if we had had kids. I always find it somewhat amusing however, when I meet someone new, how the conversation stops for a moment when I say I have no children. It's like adults have to remember that they can talk about other things than children. Agreeing with Bobbie, there are more ways than having children to leave a legacy
My mother was a beautiful, gifted and very troubled woman plagued by mental and emotional problems all her life. I was her "favorite" that she leaned on. By child-bearing age, I was worn out from worrying about someone else and the last thing I wanted was kids. I was never quite in the right marriage or relationship, either. I have done community work that benefits kids, and I have had two jobs that directly benefit at-risk kids. I do feel in some respects midlife, childless women are still more or less invisible - but it's up to us to make our own way. I sometimes envy my friends with kids at celebrations, holidays, etc - but I know while I have missed a lot, I have avoided a lot - as some friends have had heartbreaking difficulties with their kids. I've had 2 careers and probably will have another before I am through. The freedom is nice, and I do a lot to make the world a better place. Kids aren't the only way to leave a legacy with your time on earth
