For the same reason we love chocolate, there are things we never want product developers to come up with, thinking, as they do, that it’s a sure way to sell us their merchandise. Like chocolate scented wallpaper. If I was surrounded by the aroma of freshly baked, chocolate chip cookies all day, I’d gain ten pounds for sure. I don’t want anyone making the adhesive on envelopes chocolate-flavored--can you imagine the papercuts?--or spraying the inside of my car with eau de chocolate to replace the “new car smell.” The last thing I need is a constant subliminal urge to drive into Micky D’s for a chocolate shake. And we never—ever---want to buy a package of chocolate-flavored condoms. I don’t care how advanced modern chemistry is: there’s no way you’re going to make latex taste like a fudge brownie. This would be an affront to women everywhere for whom chocolate is a sacred element, right along side wind, fire, water and air. It’s our respite in a crazy world. Our little bit of luxury in a belt-tightening economy. Chocolate, simply put, is the antidote to a life run on estrogen.
Really. To whoever makes these kind of decisions, listen up: don’t mess with chocolate. One hundred and sixty million post-menopausal women will hunt you down.
