And what is in all this ungodly sweat? 2/3 chardonnay, 1/3 chocolate muffin, all pouring out of me. After a while I begin to feel pure, like a holy person. I see why people take this over the top and lose their minds. I know I will leave class wanting only tofu and fresh greens steamed in the sweat of river gods. But it doesn’t last. I also know it’s a matter of time before I hear the call of the Sutter Home, the bakery section, the Ben and the Jerry.
Our yoga teacher is sweet. She walks between us, touching our backs, adjusting us here and there. I feel infantile and love it. She tells us she loves to see “our practice.” She tells us a story of finding her own “guru” in the caves of Tibet, and how it changed her life, and how guru simply means “Remover of Darkness.” Wow, I thought, I want of those.
5) Saturday Afternoon and My First Skin Tag
While showering in the hotel, I felt something strange hanging off my inner arm. At first I thought – bedbug, help! I got out and toweled off and looked again and screamed, “Oh my God, what the hell is this?”
A little piece of me was hanging off me, like a little nodule. It was a horror show. I called my mother and described it to her.
She said, “Oh, that! Don’t worry, honey, those are just SKIN TAGS.”
“WHATT??????”
She was eerily calm, as she is about most things that are horrific to everyone else on the planet. “It’s nothing, honey, just something that happens to everybody when they get old – “
“Well, can I remove the tags?”
“No, not a good – “
“I mean, what do I have to do, buy myself? If so, am I on sale?”
She was quiet on the phone, and then she said, “No, honey. You just leave them alone. Are you OK?”
“Leave them alone!?” I was wracked with disbelief.“Maybe it’s a parasitic twin, with an eentsy little brain and faintly beating heart…”
