There I was, in the midst of corsets and girdles cleverly disguised as “slimmers.”
I bought a dress that requires a specifically engineered undergarment – one that sucks flab in and pushes it up or down or back or somewhere where it will look better than where it currently languishes, and where might that be? I don’t know, but, Oprah swears by these kinds of things, and well . . . you know, I am a believer.So, off I went with my, I’m-going-to-wow-my-husband-in-this-dress dress, to the intimate apparel department. I felt a little bit defeated. Me? A size 14? When did that happen? And, since when have I required any kind of foundation garment other than a nice bra and some control-top pantyhose? Huh?
I tried to convince myself that this is what happens to women of a certain age, and no, I don’t look at all like my cousin Kiki who needs a scooter to get around because she is so grossly overweight. No. I’m just 54 and judging from their stock in the foundations department – I would say that 40% was devoted to these shapers as they are called – I am not alone.
I must give credit to NASA because, I’m sure that all that money we spent on all those missions is what gave us this hyper-stretchy fabric. Gone are the stays, the pulleys, the rods, the clips that were on the contraptions that my grandmother wore. I used to see her long-line bras and girdles on her wash line in the basement and think to myself, “No! Never! Not me!” But, there I was, in the midst of corsets and girdles cleverly disguised as “slimmers.”
These shapers, slimmers, contour enhancers came in nude, black or white and were presented as “systems” that a woman could put together to address her specific problem areas – high-waisted, gut-sucking-in panties that might be coupled with a tank top style bra designed to give shape to a shapeless torso, or, thigh slimming waist cinching shorts that look like those compression shorts that you see sticking out from underneath basketball player’s baggy uniforms, but on them they look good, or a tubular bra-slip that hugs your body like a sheep intestine casing hugs a home made sausage mixture. I needed something like a wetsuit.
