Puberty, Again? No Fair!

4. Boys Are Stupid. Between 9 and 13, girls definitely have it over boys in maturity. We only have to observe our own kids to see that girls have it all figured out while boys are more interested in video games and making obnoxious noises with their body parts. They eventually grow out of this--around age forty-five--exactly when we've totally lost interest, and just want to curl up with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and Sex and the City reruns. Wise men know better than to snag the remote control at this stage of life. If you know what's good for you, head down to your man cave with a six-pack and build something. A spare bedroom is a thought. 

3. Girl Crushes. She was gorgeous: blue eyes, long blonde hair, perfect smile--everything you longed to be, but never would. We envied, rather than yearned for, this Goddess in a Cheerleader mini skirt--although if Katie Perry is right, more yearning may have been going on than any of us realized. Fast forward to middle age, and suddenly we're back to wanting a BFF to confide in over an entire cheesecake, a hot girlfriend to party with who'll attract oodles of gorgeous young studs, and a bad girl who'll chew out the landlord for us when the heat goes on the fritz. Some women at this time of life are even giving up men altogether realizing, I suppose, it really isn't about gender, afterall.

2. Leave Me Alone! Anyone who's ever raised (or is raising) a pubescent girl knows the meaning of the closed door. Stay out! Leave me alone! Don't talk to me! Included in our preteen repertoire of off-putting gestures, we had body signals: rolled eyes, the silent treatment, the look that says: "You're so lame!," and, of course, the oft-repeated rebellious torrents: "You can't make me!," "I hate you!," and "See if I care!" Well, guess what: all of this comes back with an even larger vocabulary and greater vehemence in middle age. My advice to anyone living with a middle age woman: duck and cover.