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Welcome to the Cougar Café!

When we first heard the term “cougar,” we thought it was kind of cute. Then we started to get kind of tired of it, especially when people used it to describe women who were only, say, five years older than their mates. (I mean, come on!) We even called for a “More-a-torium” on the word back in October 2008.
   
But you know what? The “cougar” label is apparently here to stay. So if people are going to stick us with it anyway (and goof on us on Saturday Night Live), fine. We have a great sense of humor, and by this point in our lives we can certainly laugh at ourselves. So we’ve decided to just step up and own this particular “c” word, already. To redefine it. And, most of all, to have some fun with it.

This section on More.com will be devoted to all things cougar—that special relationship between older women and the younger men who love them. We’ll be featuring news (check out our coverage of the recent National Single Cougars Convention in Palo Alto), reviews, interviews, personal stories (contribute your own!), essays, humor, attitude (we know you have plenty of that) and lots of other fun stuff. (Have I mentioned our “Cougar Bait” slideshow, a salute to more than 30 younger guys we love?)

So come on in, pull up a chair, have a laugh and join the conversation.
Lesley
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Comments
02.01.2010
Rhonda Talbot
Despicable label! And now a ridiculous show to go with it. Despite the fact I am 6 years older than my husband, it never meant anything. And after my first divorce, 34, I had a rebound with a boy of 23, who lived with his mother! But there was nothing "cougar" about it. We fell in love.. then I came to my senses, he was after all a boy; and oddly I loved his mother, a psychotherapist.... We remain friends, he is now getting married and we laugh about it, but in that affair, he thought I was a goddess and he was really a sponge for all my grief. Thanks for the topic. A woman would never come up with this demeaning term.
I'd also like to add that I don't like the term Cougar, but nevertheless the media has branded it and no one I know has the time or the money to rebrand what the media has done. All we can do is be proud of who we are as individuals and not focus on what other people's misconceptions are. I wish we did not have to call ourselves by any label...men don't have labels, do they? But for some reason, a woman over 40 is a Cougar and sadly, many people choose to make that term derogatory. Each woman over 40 has the privilege of defining herself as she fits. If you don't like the term Cougar or don't like how the media portrays it, then don't use it. Be who you are and be comfortable with it. Labels are not necessary, but they do exist because they provide people with a comfort level of understanding and definition. Cougar is not an awful term. What is awful is what is in the mind or belief system of each person who chooses to believe that it only means a woman over 40 who preys on young men.
I have a Cougar dating site. www.CougarInternational.com and I see that there is more than one type of cougar woman. Most women on the site are looking for meaningful relationships with younger men. Some are so busy with career, family or have just gotten divorced and they want a no strings attached fling with a younger man. The men are also there for differing reasons. We have some "seasoned" cubs who have dated older women and are very appreciative of what mature women bring to a relationship. There are the "uninitiated" younger men who believe a Cougar was created by God to fulfill their adolescent male fantasies; but even those guys are coming around. The ladies on the site see this as an opportunity to educate, inform, mold and grow these young Cubs into respectable men that any woman, regardless of age, would want to have around. There is a lid for every pot. I am not here to judge anyone's desires or needs. I started the site to facilitate communication and understanding.
10.21.2009
Zoe
I don't like the word but glad to have somewhere to talk about the dating dilemma. After two marriages to older (7 and 9 years) men I just proceeded to live my life and do what I enjoy and as a result was attracted to younger men and they were attracted to me. Part of it has to do with your spirit and attitude and embracing life without the hangups of getting married and making babies that attracts younger guys. For men that are in their mid 30's that are not ready for kids their options are either women that are young and immature or women that are "crazy" as they have said or women that are anxious to settle down and have kids. The confidence and easygoing passion for life is the attraction from younger men and the energy and passion for life is what attracts older women. I have found that you reach an impass if they want kids and you don't and there is only so far it will go.
Shame on you More! Cougar is an awful term that needs to stop. It's degrading and demeaning to women. Your 'can't beat 'em join 'em attitude' is a cop out. I expected more from a magazine the purports to celebrate women over 40.
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