The requirements here are tough—you must embrace the history, passions and so-called taste of your spouse. To qualify at any point in your marriage, you must:

• Accept your partner’s “art” by allowing it to be displayed in a prominent area.
• Quit nagging him about the hideous memorabilia arrayed on the bookcase and (let’s be honest) ruining the visuals of the entire room.
 

To qualify, you must have done at least two of the following:

•Ignored an open box of cupcakes at work.

•Tossed out one or more outfits dating back to the ’90s.

•Visited your colorist before the gray roots hit one inch.

•Made at least 12 trips to the gym for which you paid an annual membership fee.
 

Are there two male singers named Bono? What’s my password? Why did I come into this room? Who’s that actor, from the ’60s, tall, not Cary Grant . . . ? Who’s devoted to the principles of
Ayn Rand—Paul Ryan or Ron Paul? When you remember, you earn a badge. There are no limits on the number of “I Remember!” badges.  

This badge symbolizes that you’ve filed (on time) your child’s college financial-aid forms, which have to be filed every frickin’ year using an online form that routinely does not save your data and forces you to re-enter it and why don’t we have an easier way to do this, I mean, come on!?