Newhart Revisited *

by Dorothy Chambers • Member { View Profile }
Girl in Green
Photograph: Dorothy J. Chambers

Newhart Revisited*


Dorothy J. Chambers

I’ve come to terms with minimalist make up. Excessive make up only accents wrinkles. A generous daily dollop of sunscreen, applied religiously to face and hands, followed by a little concealer and thin coating of moisturizing foundation, and I am good to go. 

When going to dinner or even somewhere really fancy, the only additional necessary make up is mascara and lipstick. Any more and I look like a disgraced preacher’s wife trying to compete with the “other women” with whom the preacher has been disgraced.

Ok, that does not count the shaping and tinting of my pale, almost non-existent eyebrows if we are to be totally honest. But between you and me, total honestly can be overrated.

I thought I also had come to terms with droop, sag, and the other non-serious age-related indignities that accrue if you are lucky enough to still be above ground after more than a half century. That and you have time to contemplate such things because you still are in reasonably good health.  

I am eating healthier, exercising reasonably regularly, and have even lost weight.  As a result, I feel stronger and more limber.  I regularly read articles about health, nutrition and similar topics and try to keep up on what the experts tell us to do health-wise. So how ironic is it that an article about how liposuction, while reducing unsightly flab, does not improve a person’s health profile, should get me to thinking about liposuction?

Reducing unsightly flab might still be a good thing even if it does not improve my health profile. After all who does not want to get rid of a little unsightly flab?  There is that totaly honesty thing again.

I look in the mirror and see that little “under the chin droop”: no amount of healthy eating or exercising is going to eliminate. Wearing new pants, two sizes smaller mind you, I look in another mirror, this time full-length, and still see thighs bigger than I would like.  A peek at my belly while showering shows not only a slightly sagging middle but asymmetrical sag. How can that be??!? I guess if my right hand can be stronger and more agile than my left, my right belly fat can be slimmer than the left side.  But it does not quite seem fair. 

What to do about the droops, sags, and unsightly, asymmetrical flab that comes with age despite the best efforts of any middle-aged woman? 

First, I suppose I need to come to terms with the fact that as I near 60, in the best of most scenarios, I am in the last quarter rather than last half of my life. After all, how many people realistically can expect to live to be 120? Second, starting a little “liposuction savings account,” even if I never use it, might help me accept those sags and droop. Who knows, if I don’t use it for plastic surgery I can always use it for a fun trip somewhere.   And finally, and perhaps most importantly, I think I will get rid of some of those mirrors and start looking more at the world around me.

* See “My Newhart Epiphany” published at on 7/31/2009.

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