Bethenny Frankel Gets Personal

In her latest book, “A Place of Yes”, Skinny Girl entrepreneur Bethenny Frankel opens up about her difficult childhood, failed relationships and career setbacks.  We recently chatted with the reality superstar and here, she speaks candidly about sex, getting what you deserve and the dating advice she'll give her daughter

by Jamie Miles • Editorial Assistant
bethenny frankel image
Photograph: Courtesy of Bethenny Frankel

MORE: What motivated to you write this book? Why now?
BF: I really wanted to express to women how difficult it can be to reach your goals, but that anything and everything is possible.

MORE: Talk about A Place of Yes—how did you coin that phrase?
BF: People always told me how something couldn't work or wouldn't happen. This has always been a recurring theme. I always say, 'Let's come from a place of yes, and we can figure it out.'

MORE: Can you give an example of a place of no versus a place of yes?
BF: I was told by a pompous agent that Naturally Thin (a natural foods program to encourage healthy eating)  would never work because it didn't give the promise of a quick fix or exact number of pounds you'd lose. I was told that doing The Real Housewives of New York City would ruin my career. I was told ‘No’ by all the major liquor companies about the Skinny Girl margarita idea (her bottled low-cal margarita).

MORE: How do you balance your career and taking care of your family and yourself?
BF: I pray for a good night's sleep. Then I can do anything. Balance is a distant memory.

MORE: How have marriage and family changed you?
BF: My priorities shifted when I started to get serious with Jason and realized we wanted to start a family right away. Placing him and [my daughter] Bryn first was a big change for me, but well worth it. It seemed to happen pretty much organically.

MORE: What did your first divorce teach you about yourself and what you needed to make marriage work?
BF: I was simply too young. It taught me not to try to fit everything into a perfect Tiffany box. It's my own unique journey on my own timeline and no one else can tell me what's right.

MORE: What's the secret to finding the "perfect guy"?
BF: You can't sleep next to an 8 x 10 piece of paper. Choose someone who takes care of you, who cares for their family and who will be a good partner and parent, and someone who you actually like, respect and laugh with.

MORE: How do you know when you’re staying in a relationship out of fear instead of truth?
: You know you're holding on to a relationship because of fear when you think no one else will want you or love you, or you worry you will never find someone as good. You shouldn't try to negotiate and rationalize; You should just feel.

MORE: How important is sex in a relationship?
BF: It depends upon the couple and you better be on similar pages. If you love sex, then make sure the other person does too, or is willing to play along once in a while. Sex is an instinct but also an interest. Choose someone with similar interests. But, if you're partner is sexual and loses interest in you, then you may worry that they're getting it elsewhere, that you're not making an effort or that something is wrong. It's awkward, but sex must be discussed. It constantly changes: honeymoon stage, while pregnant, after baby, with children, in your 50s, etc. Communicate.

MORE: Is not looking for love the secret to finding the love you deserve?
BF: Being ok with who you are and where you are in your life, whether alone or with someone, is the secret to finding what you want and need. Desperation and fear will take you to the wrong places and the wrong relationships.

MORE: What's the best piece of advice related to dating, love or life that youve ever received?
BF: Not to make decisions out of fear. Make them out of truth and love.

First Published June 29, 2011

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