Chelsea Handler's Most Candid Quotes

In honor of our June cover star, we've collected our favorite one-liners from the successful—and shameless—comedian, host and author

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On Friendship

"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."

- My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands


On Honesty

"You just be honest about who you are, and if you don't end up with any friends, then good for you."


 - Chelsea Lately


On Fitness

"I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever."


- Chelsea Lately

Joe Seer/Shutterstock

On Politics

"I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak."

- My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands


On Humor

"People just think I'm kidding, but I'm really not."


- Chelsea Lately


On Dating

"I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I'm drinking so that you're more fun to be around."


- Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea


On Parenthood

"Vomit and feces are two reasons I have decided not to procreate."


- Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

Jaguar PS/Shutterstock

On Rejection

"It doesn't matter how many times you get rejected. All that needs to happen is for one person to tell you 'yes' and then everyebody else can go f— themselves."


- Chelsea Lately


Click here for a preview of Chelsea: Too Hot to Handler.


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