Chelsea Handler's Most Candid Quotes

In honor of our June cover star, we've collected our favorite one-liners from the successful—and shameless—comedian, host and author

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On Friendship

"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."


- My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

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On Honesty

"You just be honest about who you are, and if you don't end up with any friends, then good for you."

 

 - Chelsea Lately

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On Fitness

"I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever."

 

- Chelsea Lately

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On Politics

"I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak."


- My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

s_bukley/Shutterstock

On Humor

"People just think I'm kidding, but I'm really not."

 

- Chelsea Lately

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On Dating

"I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I'm drinking so that you're more fun to be around."

 

- Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

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On Parenthood

"Vomit and feces are two reasons I have decided not to procreate."

 

- Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

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On Rejection

"It doesn't matter how many times you get rejected. All that needs to happen is for one person to tell you 'yes' and then everyebody else can go f— themselves."

 

- Chelsea Lately

 

Click here for a preview of Chelsea: Too Hot to Handler.

 

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