“Harvey, thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today.” --Jennifer Lawrence

“I also promised myself that if I ever got this chance, I would thank Chad Lowe. I’m sorry! I just promised.” --Lena Dunham

“The Hunger Games was one of the biggest films of the year, and also what I called the six weeks it took for me to get into this dress.” --Tina Fey

“Ang Lee’s been nominated for Best Director for Life of Pi, which is what I’m going to call the six weeks after I take this dress off!” --Amy Poehler

“Meryl Streep is not here tonight—she has the flu, and I hear she’s amazing in it.” --Amy Poehler

“That  was Hillary Clinton’s husband! Bill Rodham Clinton!” --Amy Poehler

“When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.” --Amy Poehler

“I’m 50! You know, I was going to bring my walker tonight, but it just didn’t go with cleavage.” --Jodie Foster

“Thank you, good night, and we’re going home with Jodie Foster.” --Amy Poehler

Next: "I'm 50! I'm 50!"

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