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30 Funniest Chrissy Teigen Tweets

Chrissy Teigen is our queen for many reasons—her food blog, her #goals marriage to John Legend—but we mostly can't get enough of her no-nonsense, hilarious Twitter feed. She calls out the trash-talkers, posts pics of her hot husband's butt, and most recently, keeps us posted on her off-the-wall pregnancy cravings. We dug deep to find the best Tweets from the gorgeous model's feed.

On Career Goals

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"I wanna quit everything and develop candy bars"

Pretty sure we think this at least twice a week.

Photo: Instagram

On Confrontation

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"I am horrifically ballsy in every way except telling a waiter they got my order wrong"

So #relatable.


Photo: Instagram

On Pregnancy

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"This tiny baby is an immune system thief and I can't wait to tell it the second it comes out. We have a lot to discuss, actually"

You tell that baby.

Photo: Instagram

On Choosing Your Battles

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"Wow I just learned the hard way that McDonald's doesn't serve fries before 10:30? Looks like we have another battle to fight, team"

Please use your powers for good, Chrissy.

Photo: Instagram

On Ordering Pizza

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"I have come to realize that at some point in the day, I will order and consume a pizza so it might as well be in the morning"

As long as we're all being honest.


Photo: Instagram

On Accepting Compliments

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"We know you're great, no need to retweet your compliments just kindly thank the person, buckaroo"

We've all come close to saying this to SOMEONE at one point or another.

Photo: Instagram

On Targeted Advertising

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"Are Instagram ads tailored to you because mine are all seasonal sadness and Taco Bell"
Ours too, Chrissy. Ours too.

Photo: Instagram

On Artistic Inspiration

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"The sound that a dropped Wheat Thin makes is different than anything else. If I were a music producer, these would be my beats."

Points for creativity.


Photo: Instagram

On Laziness

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"I see your laziness, and I raise you 'Just called reception to find out my room number.'"

We've all been there.


Photo: Instagram

On Plastic Surgery Rumors

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"don't u think that if i took the time to get cheek implants i would have also had my jaw shaved down"

No, she hasn't had work done. And don't you think she would have told you if she did?

Photo: Instagram

On Taking Things Too Personally

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"I'm sorry that my typos hurt you on a personal level."

Happens to the best of us.

Photo: Instagram

On Her Beauty Routine

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"Just tried to take my fake eyelashes off but they were my real eyelashes. Needless to say I now have no eyelashes"

Monday, am I right?


Photo: Instagram

On Faking It

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"My whole life is pretending I listened to voice mails, so I get it"

Pretty much.

Photo: Instagram

On Marriage

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"I always have a note in my pocket that says 'John did it' just in case I'm murdered, because I don't want him to remarry."

True love.

Photo: Instagram

On Intimacy

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"I like to send John nudes and say, 'Sorry, wrong person'"

We're sure he appreciates that.


Photo: Instagram

On Her Hidden Passion

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"I have a secret passion for movie continuity errors."

Ugh, SAME.

Photo: Instagram

On Accepting Your Shortcomings

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"Can someone with a butt tell me what it's like to have one? Preferably the cons?"

You're gorgeous, girl.

Photo: Instagram

On Maintaining Friendships

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"I like your photo to let you know we are still friends even though I don't return your messages"

And we thought we were the only ones who did this.


Photo: Instagram

On Parenting Anxiety

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"When my avocados go bad I feel like I'll never be a good mother and get noticeably distraught."

Well, Chrissy, we know you'll be an incredible mama.


Photo: Instagram

On Dogs

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"Update: 3-legged dog cannot swim"

Out of context, it's even funnier.


Photo: Instagram

On Scientology

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"Would never be a scientologist but offended to never have been asked"

When you put it that way ... us too.


Photo: Instagram

On Surprise Releases

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"Go to bed so I can drop my mixtape."

Beyoncé-style.


Photo: Instagram

On Just Not Giving a F**k

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"Officially given all the f**ks. Actually you stole them. But they're gone either way."

Bye now!


Photo: Twitter

On SkyMall

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"You always said 'Take me home!' on your covers, but no one did, SkyMall. No one did."

RIP to all the left-behind copies of SkyMall.

Photo: Instagram

On Branding

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"If SoulCycle doesn't sell Soul Psycho shirts, what do they sell?"

Nothing as good as those would be.

Photo: Instagram

On Watching Sports

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"My vagina hurts when I watch gymnastics."

Ouch.


Photo: Instagram

On Fries

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"Sweet potatoes are to fries as gazpacho is to soup. Offensive."

No new friends/no new foods.

Photo: Instagram

On Accepting John's Proposal

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"Thank you, Beyoncé, for making marriage seem cool. it's the only reason I said yes."

It's the only reason any of us say yes, honestly.

Photo: Instagram

On Writing Rap Lyrics

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"What rhymes with Ezekiel bread? I'm trying to write some sweet rap beats"

The day Chrissy Teigen's rap career takes off will be a national holiday.


Photo: Instagram

On Mastering the English Language

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"Doing some deep research"

Chrissy is always asking the hard-hitting questions.

Photo: Twitter

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