Snort-Laughing Our Way to Reinvention

The Midlife Gals • Guest Writer
SOMEbody Stop Us!
Photograph: MKB Photography

KK:  Remember, Sal, when we went to see that self help guru speak?  We needed it, we craved it, but were we really looking for God in a pinstriped suit with a microphone earpiece stalking the stage to tell us all the answers?  God with a big gold pinky ring, Jesus in Ferragamos, Buddha with a flow chart of answers?

SalGal: I prefer a woman…Doctor Ruth in six-inch-heeled Manolo Blahniks.  Or maybe Judge Judy with a judgment in my favor for reimbursement of all the money I ever spent on self-help books.

KK:  We were buying into his program until he got the bottle of snake oil out, glancing quickly at his diamond-encrusted Rolex watch to make sure he had enough time to make the sales pitch. Remember when he got out the white board to write down the savings that we would all enjoy by signing up for his two-day seminar, and how little it would cost just to add the home study CDs?   His voice kept rising while trying to whip us all into a frenzy over the opportunity to give him only $2,356 instead of the regular weekend price of $5000!

SalGal: It just got worse and worse.  I started thinking the Fat Lady and the Petrified Man were ready to be presented behind the curtain (for a small fee and a bottle of health tonic included).  And the seminar was going to be in Alabama or some place like that.  Where is Alabama?

KK:  But, we’re still listening to self-help CDs, believing that we can change, and who knows?  If our readers send us $1000, we could put on a two-day seminar in Jamaica with martinis on the bill, spa treatments, meditation in the form of walks on a groovy beach and some jerk chicken to fill our bellies.

SalGal: Yeah, for only another $500 we can get them three hours with Juanigalo, the cabana boy.  Just make sure you make out the check to The Midlife Gals.


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