Everyone kept telling me I should get on Twitter. Eventually I succumbed, deciding perversely to write about one of the most boring things I could think of—as a test—to see if anyone would be silly enough to follow me. I began to tweet @hereswhatiate. As my Twitter bio says, “I’m not overweight (much). I’m not underweight (usually). So I don’t know why you care, but here’s what I ate today.”
After a few weeks, I discovered that no one did care. I had fewer than a dozen followers. While I applauded the public’s wisdom in ignoring me, I was, at the same time, miffed, and even a bit hurt. Why, I wondered, were other, even less interesting tweets winning followers?
So I did a search of popular posts on Twitter and I think I have discovered the problem.
Apparently, I am speaking a foreign language: English. My tweets are written with real words and even complete sentences. Other Twitter accounts are a mass of random letters, weird symbols and strange jargon, most of which I can’t understand, resulting in something like this:
LOL >>> btw 4rm :P wuz klo lg I’ll b dat umm plz?? ;=)
Which leaves me thinking, what the h*&!?
Of course, if you’re interested in humorous one-liners about food, and you still remember how to read English, I invite you to follow me
hereswhatiate. I promise not to think any less of you if you do. But if that doesn’t appeal, be patient. I am thinking about starting another account, hereswhatisaid, in which I will write only gobbledygook. And you can translate it to mean whatever you want.