Every mother is unique, but perhaps yours is a bit … more so. Instead of a station wagon, she rides a Harley. Instead of Girls Scouts, she enrolled you in kickboxing. And instead of roses, jewelry, or a mother daughter spa trip, she wants—and deserves—something fantastically different for Mother’s Day. Here’s where to start.
The Rocker (Not Soccer) Mom
Photo source: CafePress.com
If your mom acts more like Joan Jett or Lita Ford than June Cleaver and is more likely to be rocking out on a drum kit than handing out orange slices at a Saturday soccer match, than the Rocker Mom Tee, available for $17.70, is the perfect gift for her. Or if she’s a single-minded rocker, get her this “Eat. Sleep. Rock. Repeat.” tee. It includes two tickets to her favorite live concert, available at Ticketmaster.com, and she’ll be singing your praises year round.
Photo source: ChariotCarrier.com
The athletic mom doesn’t want some wimpy mani-pedi on mother’s day; she’s worked hard for those calluses, and wants to keep ’em that way. Instead, like world champion running mom Paula Radcliffe, she wants to be training up until birth and resume right after (well maybe … most mortals aren’t like Paula, but we can aspire, oh we can aspire). For her and her babe, the Chariot Carrier can be used as a running, hiking, or cross-country skiing stroller and can be attached onto the back of a bike as a trailer. Nothing will stop her now!
Photo source: SpaceAdventures.com
Really, the only gift you want to give to your overbearing mother-in-law is a ticket to the moon. Luckily, Space Adventures, a company based in Arlington, VA, will launch your smother-in-law on an orbital spaceflight, where she can float weightless for ten days, see the entire earth’s surface, and be one of the first 500 people to reach the earth’s orbit. Unfortunately, the ticket, which costs approximately one hundred million dollars, is round trip. For those less flush with cash, buy your in-law a ticket to ifly, an indoor skydiving wind tunnel, where you can shut the door and watch her float away.
Yo’ Mama …
Photo source: mtv.com
Yo’ mama (a.k.a, yer mom, your mom, ya mama) is the butt of all jokes. (“What’d you do last night? Your mom.”) And if your mom can dish it as well as she can take it, then she would love a mixed CD of all the funny, silly, and punchy songs commemorating (and bagging on) the matriarch. Start with the Pharcydes’ “Yo Mama,” which contains such classic lyrics as: “Ya mom is so fat (how fat is she?)/Ya mama is so big and fat that she can get busy/with twenty-two burritos, but times are rough/ I seen her in the back of Taco Bell with handcuffs.” Follow with Wuf Tickets’ “Ya Mama,” Adam Sandler’s “Do It for Your Mama,” and wrap it up with something nice, like Merle’s Haggard’s “Mama Tried.”
Hot Mom (a.k.a, MILF)
Photo source: littlepinkline.com
Let the MILF in your life know what you think of her with these stretchy yoga maternity pants, available at littlepinkline.com, for $39.95. Chances are she’s not going to rub the other mothers’ faces in it while doing the downward dog in a public yoga class, but at least her significant other can get a private showing at home. Also check out the “Who’s Your Mama” tee—it’s no less refined.
Ms., Mr., and Mrs. Mom
Photos source: Cafepress.com
It’s 2008—who says “mom” has to be a singular or for that fact, a woman? There are plenty of same-sex couples raising kids and—thanks to our industrious capitalist market—plenty of products made just for them. Try the “1 of 2 Moms” baseball tee (also available in “1 of 2 Dads”) or the “Tranny Mom” mug. If you want to relive some classic gender role reversals, get Mr. Mom, the Michael Keaton movie where she wears the pants and he wipes the bums.
Mom Who Needs a Laugh—Roast Her!
Photo source: Bubbygram.com
In heavy anticipation of a big bouquet of flowers, your mom will rush to door when she hears that ding-dong on May 11, only to find Dame Edna or another celebrity impersonator who will humorously roast your mom or sing her a telegram. At Bubby Gram you can choose from everything from singing telegrams (chickens or pink gorillas) to celebrity roasts (Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball). Guaranteed to put a smile on mom’s face and much more memorable than roses.