The 20 Funniest Celeb Tweets

What do Joan Rivers, Bette Midler and Gwyneth Paltrow have in common? They're all Twitter comedians, along with many other stars. Check out these hilarious—intentionally or not—celeb tweets.

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Joan Rivers

"French Vogue has published racy photos of a 10 year-old model, which is outrageous! Everyone knows that models are over the hill by age 9."

 

@Joan_Rivers

Charles William Bush

Bette Midler

"How about that 51 y/o actor from LOST marrying a 16 y/o? Does she say to him 'Honey not tonight. I have a big algebra test tomorrow?'"

 

@BetteMidler

PRN/PR photos

Albert Brooks

"I hate the treadmill. I hate the stationary bike. I hate running in the street. Can't I stay in shape just by hating?"

 

@AlbertBrooks

Courtesy of albertbrooks.com

Gwyneth Paltrow

"Who do I have to bang to get an advance copy of the new @coldplay album? I mean, really."

 

@GwynethPaltrow, referring to her husband, Chris Martin's, band 

PR Photos

Ellen DeGeneres

"Thanks to everyone who voted me 'Choice Comedian' for the Teen Choice Awards. I'm honored. I never realized y'all thought I was a teenager."

 

@TheEllenShow

Warner Bros./Courtesy of Everett Collection

David Arquette

"Just cause I'm doing #DWTS [Dancing with the Stars] doesn't mean I don't do movies. On the contrary - I do movies under the name Ryan Gosling. It's my acting name."

 

@davidarquette

Courtesy of ABC

Neil Patrick Harris

"Gideon & Harper are 9 months old today. Having a low key party. 400 people. Viper room. Slam dancing. Pitbull is performing. Should be dope."

 

@ActuallyNPH on his twins' birthday

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Sherri Shepherd

"Sometimes as a comic, one makes a joke & sometimes the joke bombs... eating porkchop w my hands 4 a laugh - a bomb ..."

 

@SherriEShepherd

Jakes Van Der Watt/PR Photos

Conan O'Brien

"Mapquest is such a dramatic name. 'Tell me, O Map Quest, how I doth get to the doughnut shop near Reggie’s house?'"

 

@ConanOBrien

Courtesy of TBS

Billy Crystal

"Was at Royal Wedding but didn't go inside. Had same hat as Fergie's daughter."

 

@BillyCrystal

Chelsea Handler

"If someone melted cheese on my foot, I'd probably eat it."

 

@chelseahandler

PR Photos

Ana Gasteyer

"I would like to express my sincerest, most unadorned gratitude to the person or persons responsible for the sizing at Ann Taylor Loft."

 

@AnaGasteyer

Oprah Winfrey and Shaquille O'Neal

"HI TWITTERS. THANK YOU FOR A WARM WELCOME. FEELING REALLY 21st CENTURY."

 

@Oprah's first tweet

 

"ur caps r on, btw"

 

@SHAQ's reply

Chris Hatcher/PR Photos

Jenny McCarthy

"Is there an app to translate what nail salon ladies are gossiping about when I'm there?"

 

@JennyMcCarthy

Jay Kravetz/PR Photos

Seth MacFarlane

"The booming voice of James Earl Jones announcing 'This is CNN' followed by coverage of Kim Kardashian's wedding is America in decline."

 

@SethMacFarlane, creator of Family Guy

RD/Gerada Wolff/Retna Digital

Martha Stewart

"Do you think I am hip?"

 

@MarthaStewart

 
"I am asking as part of advertising strategy. I know I am hip but do you?"
 
@MarthaStewart, a short while later
 
 
Retna Digital

Cher

"Poor Cher my ass!"

 

@cher in reply to @Wolfieeeee: "Poor @cher getting bullied by fans."

Courtesy of Wikipedia/Ian Smith

Stephen Colbert

"Saw an article that said SAT reading scores are at their lowest ever. Would tell you more, but I couldn't comprehend any of it."

 

@StephenAtHome

Courtesy of Comedy Central

Joy Behar and Rosie O'Donnell

"How's married life, Behar?"

 

@Rosie O'Donnell to Joy Behar on her recent marriage to her longtime boyfriend

 

"Rose, it's the same as single life. It takes me awhile to get to know someone. 29 years in this case."

 

@JoyVBehar's reply

 

Courtesy of The View/ABC

Russell Brand

"British youths! Good luck with your A-levels, but don't take it too seriously. I've got none and still married a pop star."

 

@rustyrockets (Russell Brand) on his wife @katyperry (Katy Perry)

 

 

 

Want MORE? Check out our slideshow of must-watch new TV shows.

 

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Courtesy of It Books
First Published September 20, 2011

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