Make a resolution to have more sex, but don’t wait until the New Year to kick it into gear. Studies have shown that couples who have regular sex have lower blood pressure, sleep better and handle stressful situations with ease.
Kick off your shoes and have a couple’s spa night at home. Check your local bookstore for at-home massage tips. Don’t forget to use oils, like K-Y Touch Massage. Fragrance free and non-staining, it gently warms the skin.
Experts agree, sometimes the best way to spice up your sex life is to plan an affair with your own husband. Scheduling a time for the two of you to get together will lessen the stress of trying to find a time amidst a crazy holiday schedule.
Red wine is high in antioxidants, which play an essential part in your overall health and balance of progesterone and testosterone. (Yes, even women need a little testosterone in their bodies.) "When you drink wine with someone, it suggests feelings of love and being happy," Dr. Michael Aziz, author of The Perfect 10 Diet, says. However, don’t forget the key component-moderation. Alcohol in excess can decrease your performance.
Holiday parties are wrought with fancy appetizers that are (conveniently) good for your sex life. Sidle up to that raw oyster bar and indulge in this classic aphrodisiac. Oysters have been known to increase libido thanks to the amino acids and dopamine found in shellfish. Can’t stomach the thought of indulging in this slimy meal? Chow down on some shrimp or lobster instead-they’re equally high in zinc and other libido boosting vitamins.
Matchmaker Rachel Greenwald once wrote for more.com: "For your sanity and his, set some time aside, away from it all, to just be together as a couple. Make sure that date-night (or "date-hour") talk is focused on the both of you and not what’s happening at home. It’s a time to de-stress and, if all goes well, laugh and chat like you did in the days when you were more "couple" and less "team" tackling all the chores of family life.?"
Avoid a potential argument on where to spend the holidays by discussing your plans upfront. Split time between both sets of parents so you can each appreciate one another’s effort to maintain family ties and feel thankful for the people who mean the most.
Avoid holiday fatigue by staying in bed for an extra hour. If you’re having trouble falling asleep due to a restless mind, unwind with an eucalyptus and lavender sleep mask. The lavender will relax your mind while the eucalyptus relieves any sinus congestion brought on by the season.
Therapist Nancy Dreyfus tells more.com,"I’ve become fascinated with the power of written messages to pierce our defensiveness, engender respect, inspire tenderness and provide a face-saving way for a couple who have dug in their heels to pivot." So before you fold up your arms, grab a pen and tell your partner how you really feel. Nothing spoils sex more than a divided bedroom.
You don’t have to play Martha Stewart this holiday season or be a one-woman culinary army. Share the responsibilities with your partner and you’ll also share in the rewards. By taking on all the cooking, cleaning and coordinating some bitterness may be directed towards your husband. Enjoy sharing the work and the holidays will fall half as heavy on your shoulders.
Relationship therapist Deb Castaldo tells more.com, "Give your partner five loving acts of kindness per day. Focus on what you can give not what you can get: hugs, kisses, greetings upon waking, arriving home, and at bedtime and that’s three already. Small acts of love and kindness each day reinforce closeness."
In her book, “Cheat on Your Husband (with your Husband)” (out in September) Andrea Syrtash suggest getting away from your kids, for more than just 2 hours. “I used to work with someone who would take her husband to cheap motels for date nights,” Syrtash writes. ““The seedier the better!” she told me. Enjoying time together in a new environment will make your date a memorable one (even if you just decide to stay in and order breakfast in bed with a pay-per-view movie).”
"When we date, we often spend hours with locked lips; when we are married, we usually spend minutes (or more accurately, seconds) kissing,” says Syrtash. “Before you and your husband were married, you used kissing to connect, express your feelings for one another, and heighten the sexual mood. See if you can kiss your husband for at least 30 interrupted seconds and notice how much of a spark you can create’— in less than a minute.”
Your biggest, and most vital, sex organ is located above your neck. Yes, we’re talking about your brain, and neglecting it can decrease your pleasure between the sheets. Research shows that women get distracted during sex (more so than men) making it harder to tune into their senses. Dr. Laurie B. Mintz was the first to clue us in on this study when she wrote about "mindful sex" for more.com. "Practice mindfulness throughout the day. This state of complete absorption can be invoked during vacuuming, showering, or talking with a friend. Immerse yourself in the feel of warm, sudsy water on your fingers while doing the dinner dishes. The more practiced you are at achieving a mindful state during daily life, the easier it will be for you to get there during sex."
Author and sex educator Dr. Yvonne Fulbright says, "Lubricant can be what makes or breaks a sex session when it comes to maintaining a position for the long-haul. Having lube in hand, literally, is also going to make for just the right touch in mastering sexual techniques during foreplay. No matter what the move, lovers feel more adequate, confidant, and supported in being able to deliver maximum pleasure."
Dr. Fulbright says, "Coming in a variety of textures, a massage mitt gives whole new meaning to the term "magic hands," helping to relax the body with some scintillating touch." We like: the Fukuoku Five Finger Massage Glove. This waterproof glove sends about 45,000 vibrations per minute.
Dr. Laura Berman, author of It’s Not Him, It’s You writes in her new book, "A quickie keeps a couple bonded, keeps their sexual responses intact, and tides them over until they have the time and energy for a more extended sex session."
"Performing your Kegels regularly keeps your pelvic floor strong and your orgasms intense," Dr. Berman says. "To find the right muscles, squeeze to stop your flow of urine. Once located, exercise by contracting for 5 seconds, then releasing for 5 seconds. You can do this discreet exercise anytime."
Dr. Fullbright suggests using a blindfold to help maximize your senses. "Gently force yourself to tune into the sensations, getting more out of the experience." Paired with a lubricant or arousal oil, it’s a sure-fire way to blow your mind.
Experts agree that the less sex you have, the more out of sync you become with your partner. "When sex isn’t working, our non-sexual physical intimacy breaks down and our threshold for getting angry with each other becomes much lower," Dr. Berman says. So have sex when you don’t want to. Have it when you’re tired, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, or on the floor. You’ll thank us one day.