Over the last month my blog has been running next to Robin Quivers’ NYC Marathon blog. It’s the closest I’ve come to exercising with a celebrity. I could be friends with Robin. She doesn’t sugarcoat the process or the pain, she cuts herself a break when her health is on the line, but then bolts back into position to finish the race beautifully. Unfortunately, I couldn’t run with her even if she asked, because my anxiety has been running faster than I have this week. Apparently, running enthusiasm and endorphins don’t prevent knee pain or self-blame. Did I push myself too far? Was I so busy worrying about a bad back that I let my knees take the fall? My knees crunch so loudly when I sit, waiters feel sorry for me (or maybe it’s the tears). My son said I walk down the stairs like a Toy Story army man. Someone once told me you had to push through the pain to be an athlete. How do you know when that’s the case or if your body is screaming for a double knee replacement?
Thankfully, walking isn’t a problem. I’m still keeping my mileage up but won’t resume running until my doctor gives the “okay.” I hate that body forgiveness doesn’t come as easily as it did in my twenties or thirties. That, along with a tendency to use excuses to avoid exercise, is a confusing combination. Pushing is required to get you moving, but pushing too hard can get you into trouble. Maybe it’s for the best that I don’t run with celebrities. Dodging paparazzi is probably bad for your knees.
Nancy Berk, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, humorist, & co-host of Whine At 9, a weekly podcast & daily blog where it’s fine to whine. See her interview about training for the half-marathon. Follow her journey on Twitter.
Week 11:The 3 T's
Week 9:Running Scared