It may be easier said than done, but try to stop thinking about other things while having sex, suggests Susan Kellogg, CRNP, PhD, co-founder of the Pelvic and Sexual Health Institute of Philadelphia where she is the director of Sexual Medicine. Practicing mindfulness, a type of nonjudgmental awareness, can help. To try it, remind yourself to notice the changes that take place in your body, such as swelling genitals and increased lubrication, during sex. It will increase your sexual response and heighten pleasure during the act, says Kellogg.
Eliminate the excuse of being too tired or too inebriated to have sex by planning it for when you’re at your best, says Kellogg. You've probably heard the benefits of morning sex, but consider pre-dinner sex—or what Kellogg likes to call “a sexual appetizer”—too. Chances are you won’t be too exhausted or too drunk to perform. And, during your post-romp dinner you'll be happy and glowing with a secret no one else knows.
Research shows that eating a Mediterranean-style diet increases blood flow to the genitals, says Kellogg. This can improve your sexual response and make you feel lighter and more energetic. Phase out processed foods in favor of whole grains, fish, olive oil, and fresh fruits and vegetables.
Feng Shui experts believe that having a kissing sector or communication corner in your room will make you a more sensual partner. Get a similar boost without going New Age by rearranging the layout of your boudoir or buying new linens. Making simple changes in the bedroom can give you the feeling of being on vacation, says Kellogg. "Novelty is a huge issue when it comes to revitalizing your sexual energy.”
“The goal is to get blood flowing to the large muscle groups—the thighs, the buttocks, the abs—because this increases blood flow to your genitals, leading to more lubrication and full orgasmic response," says Kellogg. Pick your poison—everything from walking to running to cycling will work; just make sure to do it for at least 20 minutes, three times a week.
Stock up on hot stories. Reading erotic literature will eradicate thoughts of laundry, bills, and other things on your to-do list during sex, says Kellogg. Naughty novels also help remind us of our body's responses to x-rated thoughts, which can ramp up desire. Set aside 20 minutes, three times a week for story time. Need a recommendation? Check out books by Lonnie Barbach, suggests Kellogg.
Don't be ashamed to masturbate, says Kellogg. Unlike men, women who self-please crave their partners more during and after the act. Plus, it's good to be aware of what turns you on and how good it feels to have an orgasm.
"We have the ability to buy orgasm enhancement agents, things that are clinically proven to either decrease the time it takes to orgasm and/or increase orgasm intensity," says Kellogg. But only two products are clinically and medically proven to help: Zestra arousal oil and KY Intense arousal gel. Tell your partner you have something new to try, then introduce the oil or lubricant into your sexual routine. You'll feel more comfortable during sex and may experience something new.
Note: Make sure to read the product's ingredient before use to avoid allergic reactions.
It's estimated that 16-25% of women feel discomfort during sex. This isn’t normal, says Kellogg. You shouldn’t have to worry about a burning sensation, urinary tract infections or whether sex is going to hurt. See your healthcare provider to find out if a prescription cream or other treatment could make you more comfortable, suggests Kellogg.
And no, we’re not talking about in the bedroom. Push the envelope by doing quasi-dangerous or novel activities as a couple. Adventurous experiences increase the production of dopamine, which, in return, increases sexual thoughts, the likelihood of acting on those thoughts and the desire to seek sexual rewards, says Kellogg. Schedule some time to go kayaking, hiking or to try new foods.
What are you looking at during dinner or sex? The answer should be your lover's eyes. Prolonged eye contact increases dopamine and oxytocin, two feel-good, sexual chemicals, says Kellogg. Practice making eye contact during dinner and if you feel comfortable, move it to the bedroom—it will intensify your experience.
This may seem cliché, and it’s not for everybody, but using sex toys can spice up your love life, says Kellogg. Ask your partner if they would be comfortable with you brining a penis sleeve or vibrating ring into the bedroom. Products such as these will keep you both pleasured, while adding a little fun.
As you age your teeth change, your hair changes and so does your vision; sex is no different, says Kellogg. Don't be afraid that you're not as wet as you used to be or that your partner's performance isn't the same. Roll with the punches and use any products that are available. It's not the end of the world if sex isn't 100 percent perfect all the time.