We Hear You! Letters from Our November 2011 Issue

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MORE • Editors

I really enjoyed the article by Janice Kaplan about Ghida Talal, princess of Jordan in your November issue. I read a book by Jordan's Queen Noor, Leap of Faith, and I am intrigued by what I hear of Jordan's first family ever since. King Hussein was a great humanitarian and did so much good for Jordan. When so much negativity comes our way about the Middle East, it is nice to hear the humane side of that part of the world and all the good some of the region has done, Jordan specifically. Ghida, you are royalty in my eyes.
--Judy Byrne

Just when it's getting harder to read small print, my favorite magazine seems to have shrunk the text in More. Can you pump it up a bit for us?
--Keri Fujii

I did not see where to comment on Dr Sheri Phillips post, "From DR to Advocate" but I wanted to share my thoughts on the post. It was an excellent post and very inspirational. Reading how Dr. Phillips' life changed and how she made life changing decisions to move forward for her and others was truly powerful. The post meant a lot to me since I too have had life changes when I lost my hearing in my 50's and took my time of isolation and started painting. Working through my loss gave me a new career. Since that time I have received a cochlear and I am back in the hearing world. It has been a true miracle.

Thank you for More,
Ruth Andre

I just wanted to thank you for your article about flying. I read it and preceded to ripe it out. It’s in my purse. I have read it at least twice a day since. I am terrified of flying and will be flying in December to have Christmas with my son, daughter-in-law, grandson and granddaughter. I am very excited about spending Christmas with them but my fear of flying keeps me panicking. I live in New Hampshire and they live in Oregon so it’s a long trip. I did go out by myself in June of this year and it went really well, so I thought it would be easier this time. I was abused as a child and have severe panic attacks and anxiety. I have a really hard time with trust and need control so I am sure this is not helping me with flying. I read your article and it helps give me strength to say "I can do it". If you have any other bits of advice I would love to hear from you. Again, thank you for your article. Jenny

I was so excited standing in the supermarket line to buy the November issue of More. I've always loved the articles and was drawn it by the article about Mariska Hargitay. Lovely to open up the issue and read about women rebuilding their lives, discovering themselves and the importance of female friendships and bonding. Then I started to read Ms. Kaufman's article. "Ok, I'll give this one a try," I thought. We all make mistakes in our 20's right? I finished the article and was appalled. How could this article about a seemingly still self centered woman be included among articles of female friendships? Ms. Kaufman, now a married woman herself with grown children of her own has no revelatory moment of "Wow, what would it feel like if my husband cheated on me? How would I feel if he brought my children to meet his girlfriend?" To wax nostalgic about an affair that very well may have played a big role in the ultimate break up of her lover's family, without any remorse for any damage she may have contributed, is honestly very distasteful.

I am aware that I am reading this through the lens of my own experience, but I can't imagine that I am alone in my reaction. Five years ago my husband had an affair and left me for the other woman. My children, two boys, were ages one and five. The fallout was incredibly painful for everybody. My children and I have rebuilt our lives with the love and support of family and friends. I know many other women (and some men) who have experienced similar situations. The breakup of families is nothing to be glossed over and I believe the change can start with women not interfering with other women's relationships, even when they believe somebody else's husband is their "soul mate." In my opinion finding one's soul mate should not and does not include inflicting pain and damage on others.

I don't think this article belonged in a magazine of this caliber. I will have second thoughts the next time I see a new issue on the supermarket shelf.
--Stefanie Kahn, Los Angeles, CA

First Published October 31, 2011

Share Your Thoughts!

Comments

Lynn Lunger01.05.2012

Wow! I know I'm late to this, but I read "A Date with the Man that Got away" while waiting in the doctor's office, for not surprisingly, depression.
Joanne Kaufman’s article was read by me with horrid fascination, as I hoped it would be a denouncement of past mistakes, or at least profess regret. I am still recovering from my 42 year-old husband's affair with a 26 year-old co-worker. I am still with my husband, but it has been a very, very difficult time. We have an 8 year-old and a 12 year-old who never knew about the affair, but sure know that Mom has been a wreck for the last year.
It may be mean-spirited, but I hope Joanne gets to have her world and foundations rocked in the same manner as so many of us have had. I hope that goofy grin she gets on her face when her husband enters the room is forever wiped away. She has that grin only because her beliefs, and confidence, and surety have not been shattered.
Boo hiss!
Lynn

11.21.2011

There was a letter to Dear Abby once asking what the definition of maturity was. The answer was that maturity is the ability to control our impulses, to think beyond the moment, and consider how our words and our actions will affect ourselves and others before we act. Clearly Joanne Kaufman, her affair partner, and others like them are not mature individuals. The fact that she helped dissolve a marriage with young children doesn't seem to be of any interest to her, just knowing that she stills matters does. It is disturbing that MORE printed such a self-absorbed, all-about-me article. Will you have an article from the wife about how she put her life back together after her husband found his "soul mate" while he was married to her? Reading about the strength of that woman would fit MORE better than the story about the selfish woman. Or maybe a story about the woman who fell for a married man and ran in the other direction! As it is, though, the November issue should be called LESS.


Joanne Kaufman's article describes a narcissistic, insensitive woman who gave no thought to the heartache her affair caused the man's wife and children. I'm disappointed MORE chose to publish such drivel. MORE encourages women over 40 to have a positive self image...unfortunately some women are CRUEL to each other. Shame on them. Joanne hasn't learned anything as she doesn't regret her affair

Jianni 11.14.2011

The article by Joanne Kaufman was disturbing, to say the least. Just because he made her feel good (and vice versa so it seems) is NO reason to pursue a relationship with a married person, period! There are lots of people "out there" who can be one's soul mate, as evidenced by the fact that she met someone else and got married. The pain and devastation of her married lover's wife is overwhelming and continuing. Infidelity completely changes the betrayed partner's life. I can only hope Joanne does not have to go through this if her current husband decides to do the same thing with another woman who thinks he is her "soul mate." Only then will she truly understand the pain she caused. Just because she wanted something does not mean she should have pursued it. She should have and could have ended it, even though he said "he would love her till he died." They were both in a fog of unreality. How could they know they loved each other when they hadn't shared any of life's less than ideal moments together. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh - this kind of thing gets too much glory. For those who wrote relating to her, here's hoping the same thing doesn't happen to you.

Peggy Grimmius11.10.2011

I really enjoy most of the well written, useful articles in MORE. I find it inspiring and exhilarating to read about women who have great ideas and accomplish so much while contributing to humanity. I am disturbed however, by the Nov. issue article by Joanne Kaufman. From the tenor throughout the article, there is the sense that somehow having sex with a married man is inevitable if the attraction is there. I don't judge Ms. Kaufman personally. But her writing is dishonest, selfish, and insensitive, if not just plain juvenile. When we take what we want, we become desensitized towards those it affects as well as to how it affects us personally. The topper was going back for more... just to know that "I still matter". It isn't okay. It's creepy.

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