We Hear You! Letters from Our November 2011 Issue

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MORE • Editors

I’m writing all of this to say thank you for the magazine, and the things you do in an effort to touch the lives of those of us 40 and over. In the most unexpected ways blessings can come, and seeing your sweepstakes advertisement reminded me how lucky I am to have such wonderful friend in Tamara to share things with.

At 47, I am definitely not as ambitious as I was 10 years ago, but I don't consider that to be a negative change at all. I have simply come to realize that it matters very little to me what my job title is or how large and expensively decorated my office is. My boss's opinion of me carries far less weight than those of the people I love and care about. It is, after all, just a job. What brings me joy and fulfillment is spending time with my husband, helping my daughter plan her wedding, and watching my son grow into a young man just beginning his career. That job could end tomorrow, and it wouldn't be the end of the world for me. I'd much rather be thought of as a great wife, mother, daughter and friend than a terrific employee. I wouldn't call this change so much a loss of ambition, as a realigning of priorities.
When my father passed away two years ago, he was a successful and respected executive, but what really counted were those of us who were gathered around him...and it wasn't his business associates.

I am worth much more than just the size of my paycheck!
--Marlene Pyle

Reading "A Date with the Man that Got away" sure brought back some memories. Mine are a little different than Joanne Kaufman’s, however, since I was at the receiving end as a wife who got cheated on. I'll never forget the devastating disappointment and shock when I found out. I was unable to function normally for many months, and then came the anti-depressants, therapy and near-destruction of my marriage and sanity. Seven years later, my heart races and my hands shake as I type this.
Reading the article, I looked in vain for any sign of remorse for the damage she undoubtedly caused this woman and two children. I suppose she considered the husband fair game, since their marriage seemed to be going through a rough patch (assuming she thought about it at all). Bad times in a marriage can be addressed and dealt with; infidelity, not so much. The truth is that cheating changes the marriage forever, and not for the better. I wondered how I could ever trust my husband again, and the answer is that I can't.

I am disgusted by Kaufman's cavalier attitude. And even though she seemingly came through this unscathed and unpunished, maybe just being herself is the justice.

I think the POST ON MORE.COM is the most brilliant feature created by a magazine.

FABULOUS IDEA - thank you so much for this opportunity to be able to write and submit.



--Cecilia Valentino

First Published October 31, 2011

Share Your Thoughts!


Lynn Lunger01.05.2012

Wow! I know I'm late to this, but I read "A Date with the Man that Got away" while waiting in the doctor's office, for not surprisingly, depression.
Joanne Kaufman’s article was read by me with horrid fascination, as I hoped it would be a denouncement of past mistakes, or at least profess regret. I am still recovering from my 42 year-old husband's affair with a 26 year-old co-worker. I am still with my husband, but it has been a very, very difficult time. We have an 8 year-old and a 12 year-old who never knew about the affair, but sure know that Mom has been a wreck for the last year.
It may be mean-spirited, but I hope Joanne gets to have her world and foundations rocked in the same manner as so many of us have had. I hope that goofy grin she gets on her face when her husband enters the room is forever wiped away. She has that grin only because her beliefs, and confidence, and surety have not been shattered.
Boo hiss!


There was a letter to Dear Abby once asking what the definition of maturity was. The answer was that maturity is the ability to control our impulses, to think beyond the moment, and consider how our words and our actions will affect ourselves and others before we act. Clearly Joanne Kaufman, her affair partner, and others like them are not mature individuals. The fact that she helped dissolve a marriage with young children doesn't seem to be of any interest to her, just knowing that she stills matters does. It is disturbing that MORE printed such a self-absorbed, all-about-me article. Will you have an article from the wife about how she put her life back together after her husband found his "soul mate" while he was married to her? Reading about the strength of that woman would fit MORE better than the story about the selfish woman. Or maybe a story about the woman who fell for a married man and ran in the other direction! As it is, though, the November issue should be called LESS.

Joanne Kaufman's article describes a narcissistic, insensitive woman who gave no thought to the heartache her affair caused the man's wife and children. I'm disappointed MORE chose to publish such drivel. MORE encourages women over 40 to have a positive self image...unfortunately some women are CRUEL to each other. Shame on them. Joanne hasn't learned anything as she doesn't regret her affair

Jianni 11.14.2011

The article by Joanne Kaufman was disturbing, to say the least. Just because he made her feel good (and vice versa so it seems) is NO reason to pursue a relationship with a married person, period! There are lots of people "out there" who can be one's soul mate, as evidenced by the fact that she met someone else and got married. The pain and devastation of her married lover's wife is overwhelming and continuing. Infidelity completely changes the betrayed partner's life. I can only hope Joanne does not have to go through this if her current husband decides to do the same thing with another woman who thinks he is her "soul mate." Only then will she truly understand the pain she caused. Just because she wanted something does not mean she should have pursued it. She should have and could have ended it, even though he said "he would love her till he died." They were both in a fog of unreality. How could they know they loved each other when they hadn't shared any of life's less than ideal moments together. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh - this kind of thing gets too much glory. For those who wrote relating to her, here's hoping the same thing doesn't happen to you.

Peggy Grimmius11.10.2011

I really enjoy most of the well written, useful articles in MORE. I find it inspiring and exhilarating to read about women who have great ideas and accomplish so much while contributing to humanity. I am disturbed however, by the Nov. issue article by Joanne Kaufman. From the tenor throughout the article, there is the sense that somehow having sex with a married man is inevitable if the attraction is there. I don't judge Ms. Kaufman personally. But her writing is dishonest, selfish, and insensitive, if not just plain juvenile. When we take what we want, we become desensitized towards those it affects as well as to how it affects us personally. The topper was going back for more... just to know that "I still matter". It isn't okay. It's creepy.

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