We Hear You! Letters from Our November 2011 Issue

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MORE • Editors

I am reading your editors letter in the November issue of More, the person who blew the doors off open for women wearing pants was not YSL, it was Katharine Hepburn.

She was the first woman to wear pants while lounging by the pool, to Hollywood parties and out in public. Not many people know that it is just one of those things I learned a while back and thought I would share with you.

Keep up the fantastic work for all us women over 40.
--Donna Allen

Your section on social work was interesting but could have included more relevant points. For example clinical social workers provide more mental health service in the US than psychologists and psychiatrists combined. School social workers have flexible schedules and many clinical social workers are employed in the substance abuse fields. The side column on What You'll Need was in error. The professional degree that is most desired for employment is the MSW and is required for licensure, in most agency and health settings aw well as independent practice.
--Phillip L. Elbaum, LCSW, Deerfield, Illinois
I was shocked when I read Joanne Kaufman's article memoirs! She could have been referring specifically to me. I, too, experienced a similar affair. "John" also left his wife, went back and eventually divorced shortly after my marriage.

I recently connected to him, via email, after 20 years. I, too, experienced some very conflicted emotions. I emailed that I will always have special feelings for "John" and he replied that he felt the same. I don't plan to pursue this any further as I have been married 32 years and have a good marriage.

After I read Joanne's conclusion that she needed to know that she still mattered, it really helped me process those feelings. I felt the same way..I wanted to know I mattered. I felt her article was written especially for me. It helped me tremendously.

Thanks Joanne!

I opened up my most recent issue of your wonderful publication (November issue), and was very excited to begin reading "10 Great Careers..." (p. 114). I was very disappointed, however, to read the section on Medical Professionals, that you did not mention advanced practice nursing (nurse practitioners). I have been a CRNP for 17 years, and truly believe, as do most of my peers, that there is no better profession in medicine.

In most states we have more freedom and autonomy than PA's, and we get the best of both worlds...doing medicine while also being what it means to be and think like a nurse (not a physician).

Requirements are stringent and expensive...perhaps this is why more RN's do not go further with their education. However, the rewards are well worth it.
--Mary Polson, Camp Hill, PA
Wow! I got my new issue in the mail today and kicked back with a delightful cocktail to read the magazine. But I damn near spit out my drink when I read the first line of Jean Chatzky's column. She writes, "Changes are, you're bringing home more money now than ever before..." What planet is she writing from these days?

I'm a highly educated professional woman with great work experience and like MANY of my peers; I am woefully unemployed after being laid off several years ago. Every day is a struggle - both financially and mentally - to keep going on. I had to move to a considerably smaller place, have no health insurance and drive a 12 year old car. I consider myself lucky; I have no one to worry about but myself and am surrounded by a loving and supportive network of friends and family. Bravo to those gals who are taking it to the bank; some of them are my close friends.

But Jean needs to get out of the office and her small world and see what is going on around the country to educated professional women who are experiencing firsthand the crisis we keep hearing about. Why not write about that?

BTW, I also got my subscription renewal and happily wrote that precious check!
--Linda Isenson, Seattle, WA

First Published October 31, 2011

Share Your Thoughts!


Lynn Lunger01.05.2012

Wow! I know I'm late to this, but I read "A Date with the Man that Got away" while waiting in the doctor's office, for not surprisingly, depression.
Joanne Kaufman’s article was read by me with horrid fascination, as I hoped it would be a denouncement of past mistakes, or at least profess regret. I am still recovering from my 42 year-old husband's affair with a 26 year-old co-worker. I am still with my husband, but it has been a very, very difficult time. We have an 8 year-old and a 12 year-old who never knew about the affair, but sure know that Mom has been a wreck for the last year.
It may be mean-spirited, but I hope Joanne gets to have her world and foundations rocked in the same manner as so many of us have had. I hope that goofy grin she gets on her face when her husband enters the room is forever wiped away. She has that grin only because her beliefs, and confidence, and surety have not been shattered.
Boo hiss!


There was a letter to Dear Abby once asking what the definition of maturity was. The answer was that maturity is the ability to control our impulses, to think beyond the moment, and consider how our words and our actions will affect ourselves and others before we act. Clearly Joanne Kaufman, her affair partner, and others like them are not mature individuals. The fact that she helped dissolve a marriage with young children doesn't seem to be of any interest to her, just knowing that she stills matters does. It is disturbing that MORE printed such a self-absorbed, all-about-me article. Will you have an article from the wife about how she put her life back together after her husband found his "soul mate" while he was married to her? Reading about the strength of that woman would fit MORE better than the story about the selfish woman. Or maybe a story about the woman who fell for a married man and ran in the other direction! As it is, though, the November issue should be called LESS.

Joanne Kaufman's article describes a narcissistic, insensitive woman who gave no thought to the heartache her affair caused the man's wife and children. I'm disappointed MORE chose to publish such drivel. MORE encourages women over 40 to have a positive self image...unfortunately some women are CRUEL to each other. Shame on them. Joanne hasn't learned anything as she doesn't regret her affair

Jianni 11.14.2011

The article by Joanne Kaufman was disturbing, to say the least. Just because he made her feel good (and vice versa so it seems) is NO reason to pursue a relationship with a married person, period! There are lots of people "out there" who can be one's soul mate, as evidenced by the fact that she met someone else and got married. The pain and devastation of her married lover's wife is overwhelming and continuing. Infidelity completely changes the betrayed partner's life. I can only hope Joanne does not have to go through this if her current husband decides to do the same thing with another woman who thinks he is her "soul mate." Only then will she truly understand the pain she caused. Just because she wanted something does not mean she should have pursued it. She should have and could have ended it, even though he said "he would love her till he died." They were both in a fog of unreality. How could they know they loved each other when they hadn't shared any of life's less than ideal moments together. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh - this kind of thing gets too much glory. For those who wrote relating to her, here's hoping the same thing doesn't happen to you.

Peggy Grimmius11.10.2011

I really enjoy most of the well written, useful articles in MORE. I find it inspiring and exhilarating to read about women who have great ideas and accomplish so much while contributing to humanity. I am disturbed however, by the Nov. issue article by Joanne Kaufman. From the tenor throughout the article, there is the sense that somehow having sex with a married man is inevitable if the attraction is there. I don't judge Ms. Kaufman personally. But her writing is dishonest, selfish, and insensitive, if not just plain juvenile. When we take what we want, we become desensitized towards those it affects as well as to how it affects us personally. The topper was going back for more... just to know that "I still matter". It isn't okay. It's creepy.

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