Two things you want to know about Sarah Ban Breathnach. First, the pronunciation of her name: It's "Ban Brannock". Second, where she's been for the last five years, after rocketing to prominence with Simple Abundance and some worthy follow-ups. Well, glad you asked. Because Jesse Kornbluth sat down with Sarah recently and peppered her with all the questions about her life and her new book, Moving On: Creating Your House of Belonging with Simple Abundance, that you would.

Nice to see you back, with a new book. But may we start with Simple Abundance, which will always be your calling card. How did you come to write it?

In 1991 I'd done two books about Victorian family life with Simon & Schuster. They didn't want a third. So I didn't know what to do except whine, complain, and focus on what was missing from my life -- money, success, and a third book contract. Like many women, I kept my misery to myself but the sound of my own nagging was incessant. One day I couldn't stand it any longer, so I made myself sit down and count my blessings. When I was finished, I had a list of 100 and a new attitude: Gratitude. Gradually as I started to keep a journal of five new things to be thankful for each day, I noticed that I was experiencing more moments of contentment than distress. Wow. Now I thought I had a terrific idea for a book -- Simple Abundance -- but 30 publishers over two years told me that a lifestyle book based on gratitude and simplicity wasn't commercial. Finally, on the 31st try, Warner Books said they'd be interested if I turned it into a book of meditations for women -- and the advance was $21,500. It would take me another two years to finish writing; it was published in November 1995.

And it was a huge success.

Not at first -- it was considered "a woman's book" which is a euphemism in publishing for "no paid publicity." So I got the idea to send it to every woman on Oprah's staff. We were told that it was a lovely book, but that it wasn't a show and I said, "Well, one day Oprah will open it and it will speak to her, and then it will be a show." In the spring of 1996 this happened, and Simple Abundance spent two and a half years on the best-seller list.

What changed for you?

I discovered that writing about "simple abundance" and living it are not the same thing. I never dreamed that millions of women would tell me it changed their lives, which made me adapt my behavior. Suddenly if I was responsible for changing lives for the better, I'd better be living a picture-perfect one. I didn't want to do anything to hurt the idea of Simple Abundance or its philosophy, which is "all you have is all you need at any moment if you're grateful for it." My best intentions became a personal nightmare. I took on the burden of being perfect, living perfectly for my readers.

But you got divorced.

Right, after 18 years of marriage. Not so perfect after all. That life change was devastating, but even more distressing was that I felt I had to hide it from my readers. I was afraid that readers would think that if you wanted to live authentically and excavate your authentic self, it would mean leaving the marriage, quitting the job, and running away.

Which is what you did.

See, you too. Actually what happened is that an English reviewer described me as "the Isaac Newton of the simplicity movement", so I developed a mad crush on Sir Isaac Newton, as one does. When I discovered his private chapel was for sale, I went to see it and the earth tilted on its axis. I fell truly, madly, deeply in love with this house. It was 900 years old and had just two rooms. But it was meant to be mine. I felt for the first time as if I'd come home.

Judging from Moving On, it seems to have domesticated you.

To come downstairs in the morning and see a clean kitchen gives me palpable satisfaction. Our mothers knew this. But we -- the generation now in our 50s -- rejected it and didn't pass it on to our kids. In one generation, we lost 500 years of domestic caring.

And yet women are obsessed with looking good...

Passively. We all read the magazines about fitness and beauty. Many fewer do the exercises.

Botox! Restylane!

More passivity. It's "Please do it for me. Fix my flaws so I don't have to work it." But there's no way around it: Taking care of yourself is work. And the thing is, we're already exhausted from other commitments.

How much work? It's not like you're Martha Stewart, asking women to make wreaths.

For some women, it's easier to make a wreath than pick up their clothes.

Women are secret slobs?

Secret sloths. And there's a subtle connection between sloth and self-loathing. But connecting to that -- it breaks our hearts.

Still, is a book about the importance -- the spiritual importance -- of making our homes into refuges really necessary?

Take your own poll. Nine of ten women will tell you they don't feel comfortable in their homes.

You write about the home -- even the dysfunctional one -- as if it's an animate being. How does that work?

Clutter tends to protect us. The chair strewn with clothes, the kitchen counter covered with debris, the pile in front of the phone -- all these are signs the woman doesn't want companionship, shrinks from a phone call. And why? I think because she's afraid of dying alone and homeless. So we bulk up. We start by carrying our lives in our pocketbooks. Which is so ironic: We become the bag ladies we fear.

You re-met the man of your dreams. And married him. And jettisoned wrong businesses and bad associations, and now live and work in a magical house. That's a fairy tale. Do you expect women to say: I'm entitled to a fairy-tale ending, too?

If they don't, I haven't done my job. I believe in Improbably Happy Endings but they need to believe in them as much as I do. You know they say that we get the miracles we believe in.

Tell me five easy things women can do to feel better about their homes.

1. If you take it out, put it back.
2. If you open it, close it.
3. If you throw it down, pick it up.
4. If you take it off, hang it up.
5. Give thanks for the home you have.

Yes, but when you're ready to Move On in life, love, and houses, you no longer expect a book to change your life, because you know that you're the only one who can.

Jesse Kornbluth is a New York-based journalist and editor of a cultural concierge service (books, music, movies), HeadButler.com. He blogs as Swami Uptown on Beliefnet.com.

As a journalist, he has been a contributing editor for Vanity Fair and New York, and a contributor to The New Yorker, The New York Times, etc.

In l996, he co-founded Bookreporter.com. From l997 to 2002, he was Editorial Director of America Online.

His books include Highly Confident: The Crime and Punishment of Michael Milken; Airborne: The Triumph and Struggle of Michael Jordan; and Pre-Pop Warhol.

Click to read his review of Moving On: Creating Your House of Belonging with Simple Abundance

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