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Becoming a Mom (Part 1)

Becoming a Mom (Part 1)

In the fall of 1987, I was living and working in San Jose, I shared an apartment with some of my friends, and I was partying, dating, and having a ball. My only sense of responsibility was getting up Monday through Friday to go to work and paying my bills—I was very immature! 

My world tilted on its axis, changed, and skidded to a halt in October, when I found out I was having a baby. My life was not geared towards that end—I was not prepared! But I fell in love with the baby and began to change my life and attitude, little by little. At the same time, I also knew that I could not stay in my apartment with the roommates and friends I had.

I broke the news to my Mom and Dad when I went home for Christmas and they were mortified. My mother straight out told me, “You are not cut out to be a mother! You are irresponsible! What the Hell are you going to do with a baby? You can’t even take care of yourself!” I was hurt, but I knew what she was saying was the absolute truth! My father said, “I am embarrassed and will not be able to hold up my head in public. What were you thinking?” I felt sad that they felt that way about me, but it did not change my mind—I was having a baby!

I broke the news to my friend. We had been seeing each other on and off for about six months. One night we had gotten wasted and things got way out of control. I was using birth control, but hey, I was irresponsible, right? 

So when I told him, he was like, “NO WAY! It isn’t mine!” I told him, “Steve, you are the only one I have been with and you know that I don’t sleep around—your friends told you that! What the Hell? Are you going to let me down?” He freaked out and said, “Hey, I am NOT ready to be a father! If you do this, you are on your own!”

So I knew I was alone.

I told the people I was working with that I was having a baby, and they were very supportive. My girlfriends at work rallied around me, even throwing me a baby shower. 

I still was going out dancing with my girlfriends, but while they were drinking cocktails and doing shots, I made a deal with the bartender—make mine a virgin!

I met a guy, because Steve and I were done! Jack (not his real name) offered to buy me a drink and I refused him. He asked me what I was drinking, and I told him, “7-up with cranberry juice.” He was like “Why? Are you on medication?” I said “No, I am pregnant!”

This did not seem to scare him off, which surprised me. He asked me out for New Years and told me, “We just won’t drink champagne!

We went to see the movie Platoon with Charlie Sheen. Then we went for a drive. He did not try anything and asked to see me again. “Look, I am pregnant—doesn’t that bother you in the slightest? I am carrying another man’s child that he doesn’t want! I am reconciled to be a single mother.” He said, “That could change, if you and I get together.” I did not hope!

In February I was barely showing, but I bought maternity clothes anyway, preparing for when my body began to change and it started changing right away; the jeans I was wearing and my cute little skirts became very tight! I still was not showing that much. The smell of rice got me sick. I was craving chocolate frozen yogurt with M&M’s and would buy one about every other night or so. The store owners in Campbell, who owned the yogurt store, became my best friends, asking about me and the baby.

I got a second job with Montgomery Ward, working in the women’s section. I enjoyed it! The extra money helped me save for when the baby was born. With my job, I had the hospital costs and my maternity stay covered. I decided I was going to quit my job and stay home to take care of baby for two years, until she got old enough to talk—that way if anyone hurt her in daycare, she could tell me and I could go kill them! (This was right around the time of the McMartin Daycare Cases!)

I was sent to San Francisco in April, for computer training on the new IBM PC systems. The co-workers I went with, went out partying every night and they were like “Come-on, go with us (I was the original “party girl”) but with the baby, I was too tired to go anywhere! I was four month’s along then! But I did make it the night they went to the Hard Rock Café and we had a lot of fun.

I went back to San Jose the end of the week, savvy in computer knowledge and getting bigger by the day. I felt like I should start my own zip code with my belly! I was tired all of the time and the smell of bacon frying or cooked rice, sent me right to the commode!

In late April, I went with Jack to visit with his three-year-old daughter, who was staying with his mother in Saint Helena, outside of Napa. It was a beautiful day and on the drive up, I saw the beautiful Napa Wine Country for the very first time. Jack took me wine tasting but I could not drink. He did though!

His daughter and I got on famously, as did his mother and I. She cooked Italian food for us and fussed over us constantly. She even tried to put us in the same room, which I refused. She asked Jack in Italian if the “bambino was his” and I answered for him—”NO.” We stayed the weekend and drove back late Sunday. I was exhausted!

I have memories of that time with Jack and living in San Jose, but the real event was coming up.

Part 1 | (Part 2)

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