But that's all about to change. My smallest bird is leaving the nest for school this year, and I will be...alone. In, honestly, the first time in about thirteen years...no Disney or Nick Jr on TV. No puzzle pieces on the floor. No meals, snacks, games, tantrums..and nothing for me to do, other than be me. Whoever she is. I find pieces now and then, and I give them up. Now I have no excuses to fall back on. I can write that book, cook something new, clean however and whenever I want to, all the while wearing my comfiest pj pants, a mask on my face, treatment on my hair and a HOT meal I can eat slowly enough to taste, without sharing. There's no reason not to find out what I'm passionate about and how to combine it to the fullest. I want to write, but I'm not sure what. I want to cook, bake...everything. My kitchen and my keyboard are my passions right now, but combining the two as more than an occasional thing doesn't interest me, unless it's part of this journey I'm dragging you along on ;)
I need you, you know. To keep my word. To keep writing, exploring, discovering. To renew that sense of who I am as all these different pieces, and blend them together into the woman I want to be. It isn't something I'll do if left to my own devices.. I know myself that well at least. I'll talk myself down, out of it. I'll let fear erase any hope of whatever “it” is.. it's something I've always done. I don't want to give up anymore, or hide behind insecurities. I want to be who everyone else seems to see, and more. I want to make messes and masterpieces, and laugh or cry my way through..as long as I'm still moving. I'm on my feet now, and I'm starting to run. Again. This time, I hope some of you will run along with me.