When I met a guy who wanted to take care of me and make me feel safe, I latched onto him and we eventually got married. We had a good marriage until we had children and then things started changing. After our third child came along I finally realized I married someone like my step father. But he was also controlling and manipulative and as I grew older, I realized I couldn't live like this. I went to counseling to try and hold onto my marriage but it just made me stronger, and I still wanted to keep my marriage together for the girls. But one night of violence made me end my marriage for good because my children were not going to live like I did. I took the girls and left and never went back. I left the house and everything in it, I just wanted to keep my girls safe from harm. I took them up north to the small town my mom lived in. After a ugly divorce and custody battle, I got my divorce and custody of my girls and we started over. I went into therapy to deal with the trauma from the divorce, but I stayed to get mentally healthy. I vowed to myself that I would go all the way through therapy until I was mentally healthy and free from the demons from my past.
Along with counseling I went to a couple support groups and I attended Al-Anon for awhile. I read any book I could find that talked about alcoholism, divorce, co-dependency or dysfunctional families. I even had hypnotherapy to uncover the hidden pain of growing up in an alcoholic and abusive household. It took longer than I thought it would before I finally broke free of the insecurity I felt inside. I have a new found confidence about myself that most people notice. My family isn't very supportive because they try to find fault with me instead of being supportive. I don't talk to my mother or my sister because they are jealous of my independence and strength, but they chose not to complete their therapy. I pray for them but I don't feel guilty that I'm free from the past. I worked hard to heal myself and put it behind me so that my children were able to grow up in a home filled with peace, happiness and love. My children and I are very close and they love and respect me alot, even though we've struggled a little bit. For my children I found the courage to change and it was well worth it.