I’ve dreamed of having children for as long as I can remember. Dating back to about the age of 7, I distinctly remember that my Barbie dolls even had babies. I loved being around little children and took every opportunity to babysit as soon as I was old enough. I am the oldest in my generation, so I was old enough to remember the births of all of my cousins. Each one was a uniquely exciting and momentous occasion for my family and I. I could not wait to start my own family one day.
My husband and I met when we were thirteen. We went on our first official date on his twentieth birthday, and were married three years later. My husband is my best friend, and we are truly a great team. We are better together than we are apart, and I couldn’t ask for a more loving partner to share my life with. We had discussed having children when we dated and during our engagement, but never really came to an agreement. My husband was never keen on having children, and suggested that it was okay with him if we never had any children. Perhaps I was pushy and a bit overbearing, so I understand him feeling the way he did. We knew if we did have children that it wouldn’t be during the first year of marriage, so we didn’t discuss it until we passed our first anniversary. Every so often I would bring it up gently, and he would tell me that we weren’t settled yet, or financially stable enough to have a family; I agreed to wait a few months before we discussed it again. Well, we did this for two years. Recently, however, things began to change.
We talked about children over Christmas break while we were home in New York visiting with family. We seemed to agree on “maybe,” but not immediately. We started to pray about God’s will for us to start a family. We decided that since we never felt as though we were ready, that we should give the decision over to God. We knew that the only way to find out if we were supposed to have children was to stop preventing conception. During this time, my grandmother had been very sick, and was in the hospital for most of January. We flew back home early in February, just in time to be with her when she passed. I was deeply saddened, and only had a few days to be with family before we had to go back to work, but thankful that Nana was in heaven. The traveling and emotional roller coaster must have thrown my cycle off, because I ovulated several days earlier than normal in February. My cycle (which I track daily) has always been like clockwork so I knew when I should have ovulated, but I was dead wrong. My basal body temperature typically takes a major nose dive the day before my cycle starts, but when it skyrocketed instead, I was suspicious. The day my cycle was due to begin my temperature remained elevated, and I decided to buy a test.
I could not believe my eyes when that second line appeared on the cheap, no-frills brand test. It was clear as day that I was pregnant. My husband was at work that day, so I had a few hours to come up with a creative way to tell him. I left a card on his pillow that read, “Dear Daddy, I can’t wait to meet you in November! Love, Newbie.” The look on his face when he came out of the room with the card in hand was priceless. The pregnancy wasn’t exactly planned, and even though we knew that it was possible, we certainly didn’t expect it to happen right away.
It’s taken some time to adjust to the idea of being parents this time next year, but I’ve loved the journey so far. As I near the end of the first trimester (already!) I am simply amazed at the contrast between the drastic changes happening inside my body and the subtle changes on the outside. I can’t wait to have a noticeable belly, and I’m so eager to meet my little one.
Even though we weren’t trying to conceive during February, it feels especially significant that I did. My Nana was the last living relative of her generation on both sides of my family, and the same month she passes I conceive the first little person in the next generation. How beautiful is the circle of life? Every day I’m living in joyful anticipation of our little one (whose sex we are not finding out prior to birth). I am elated, and look forward to continuing my journey into motherhood.