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Life Can Be Gone in a...

Life Can Be Gone in a Moment, Part 3

Children are a gift from god, they don’t ask to be put on this earth we put them on here, they don’t us owe us anything we owe them all the unconditional love we have in ourselves. My unconditional love is still with him but not on earth, he is gone and he won’t be returning. That kid will be returning to his life and his friends and maybe get married one day and his parents will have grandchildren, I will never get that chance again for the rest of my life.

Death is final there is no looking back. That kid didn’t only take my son’s life by getting behind the wheel of car while drunk he took it upon himself to do this unforgivable thing he took my life away from me and my heart will never be the same. I can forgive him but I will never forget what he did to my life, our life my families life. Do you know what it is like to hear that your son didn’t make it?

Without him, there is nothing left in my world? The person I had been existed no longer without Jordan. All the things he loved were in that fateful van as he was coming to live with me in Toronto, now they are gone and so is he. Learning to live again in a world where he is not has been an unbearable, lonely journey. It amazes me that I have survived this far. But my son is always with me, always, in my heart, my mind; never will I be without my Jordan.

He is my baby. Always missed, always cried for. I am so thankful I had him for ninteen very short years. I have moved back to Alberta to be closer to his roots, I know that I have to be here or I would just give up, as what is there to live for now. I hope that kid realizes the horrific damage he has done to so many people and I hope he is sorry and will get the maximum sentence for his actions that fateful night. But he has his life, which my son doesn’t; which is worth its weight in gold. I am not doing okay but hope one day I will be able to go forward with my life without him, but right now, I cannot see the future.

It has been 300 days my sweet, sweet boy, since I have seen you and talked to you. You are with me from the time I wake up until I fall asleep and very often in my dreams. You are in my waking moments constantly. I don’t try to think of you … you are just always there, behind my eyes, your life beating in my heart … I miss you terribly. I can’t forget you. I can’t imagine you not being a part of my days. Though I can never touch you, hear you, feel you in life, you are always present in my memories. I carry you in me everywhere. The thought of being without you is unbearable … and so you continue in my life, my heart, my days and nights, always in my head, always present. I miss you so much my beautiful baby, my sweet little man … you have forever captured my heart. I love you!

~Mommy


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