Another holiday has come and gone without my son and all the lingering feelings are here, just as they are each year. I miss him, I miss Joe, my son. Joe is a drug addict and has been for over twenty years. I watched this handsome young man turn into an old man with the abuse drugs have done to him. The lines of worry on his face were created from fear; fear that has chased him for so many years. He has stolen from family members and lied so many times no one knows his real story. He has been helped so much that kindness was killing him; he never found his own footing in life. He is always too thin to me, his clothes are old, some I recognize from years ago when I purchased them for him. He has a broken front tooth that has never been fixed, there is a sadness when I look into his eyes ... at least the last time I was able to look into his eyes.
I want to hug my son, I want to feed him healthy food, buy him clothes and get that tooth fixed. I want to give him some of my strength and let my love cover him from the pains of life. Of course, none of this is possible. I know vaguely where he is, I know his email address that I send brief words of love to him ... always fearing I will drive him away some how. Each day I pray that today will be the day that my son begins to have a life of happiness. He would have been an excellent father, he wanted to be a teacher when he was in high school.
How do I let him know it is never too late to have a life? How do I let him know there is nothing he could ever say or do that would stop my love for him? How do I let him know how much I miss him without guilt or thinking of my own selfish needs?
I miss my son, I miss my Joe. God please continue to protect him and care for him with your love. Let my love reach him in the spaces of life and let him know that I am here ... always. I miss my son, I miss my Joe.