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Paradox

Today as I was walking down State Street, I passed a mom carrying a very young, very little baby.

And I got a pang in my heart.

Little Ricky is only three months old, but he has already changed so much. As we all saw in the Monthly Pictures post, he has definitely changed in the size department. But it’s not just that. Every day he is a new child, learning more, doing more.

And it’s exciting.

And it’s sad.

I look back at the totally dependent, tiny baby I brought home from the hospital and it seems like a completely different baby. What happened to my cuddly little guy who needed me every second? In his place, I have a wiggle-worm who is always trying to climb over my shoulder when I hold him and loves sitting in his Bumbo seat playing with his toys.

Obviously he still needs me, but now he’s perfectly content entertaining himself for short periods of time.

In a way, I’m thrilled. (You mean I can eat breakfast now?)

But I’m also sad.

I now understand what everyone meant when they told me “it goes so fast.” It’s only been three months, but it’s been a whirlwind! And I wonder when it’s going to stop. At what point will Little Ricky stop changing, stop surprising me, stop becoming someone new overnight? High school? College? Never?

Each morning when I get him out of bed, I’m so happy to see his smiling face and learn who he is today. But I also miss the baby I put to bed the night before.

I suppose I’m learning that great paradox of motherhood.

I love who he is, but I miss who he was.

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