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A Pee-Stick Speaks a...

A Pee-Stick Speaks a Thousand Words

And boy, does it! This was the gift I received on Valentine’s Day from my wife. Actually, the “pee-stick” came wrapped in a white tissue in a Hallmark gift bag.

I had known we were trying to have a baby, ever since I had started noticing the prenatal vitamins on our bathroom countertop and my wife had nonchalantly announced that she was no longer taking her birth control. But from what I recall, we were not exchanging presents on this Valentine’s Day. This had come straight from my wife’s mouth a week or so before the actual day. I had readily agreed and started spouting out comments on how V-Day was created by the card and candy companies to increase yearly profits, and how we shouldn’t have to profess our unwavering love with presents. I was really patting myself on the back for being one smart fella for marrying a woman who didn’t believe in V-Day.

Valentine’s Day started like any other day: I got up, I went to work, I came home, I took Murphy (our perfect dog and first child) for a walk, and I went to the gym. I was now ready to relax and enjoy an evening on the couch with some food and prime-time TV with the ol’ lady. 

As I was enjoying the first tidbits of my show, my wife announced that she had decided to get me a V-Day gift. I automatically went into defense mode (DEFCON 5) and replied with something like, “Woman, we agreed that we were not giving gifts this year … it was your idea!” As she approached me, gift bag in hand, she replied that it was last minute and that she couldn’t help herself. I start thinking perhaps this wasn’t so terrible and that maybe she had bought me a new Xbox game.

As I eagerly pillaged the bag, looking for my new video game, I suddenly realized that maybe I wasn’t getting a game, due to the fact that my hand came into contact with something that felt more like a pen than like a game. As I pulled it out and unwrapped it, I found myself pausing and gazing upon an unknown object, much like early man first discovering the black monolith in Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey. As I examined this foreign object, I came to realize that what I was holding was a “pee-stick” indicating a pregnancy. Not the stick, dumbass, but my wife. I cautiously looked up toward my wife, not knowing what to expect, but what I saw was the biggest perma-grin that I’d ever seen on this lovely woman I happily call my wife and soon-to-be mom. She responded to my stunned look by softly saying, “Holy shit, can you believe it?”

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