Being a parent is not easy. I invested some time going to college in some classes for child behavior and child development. One of the subjects we went over was positive discipline.
My opinion? I think anyone teaching and taking care of children, even bus drivers, should be made to go through this course. It helps you know how to deal and use strategies with young children.
Why feel that you have to threaten, put fear, or just yell and spank a child to get him or her to listen? Think about it for a moment. What are you instilling? A behavior that will be passed on.
When my son was old enough to understand, I started to discipline him in a positive, loving way. And it works! You stay happy and calm too! I’m not saying that I was a perfect parent! I made lots of mistakes.
Let’s say that your child is jumping on the couch. You ask him not to, but he continues to jump. Then you go over to him and, at eye level, say, “Mark, I am going to give you a choice. You can stop jumping on the couch or sit in time-out for two minutes. It’s your choice. What do you want to do?”
See, by giving him a choice you are making him feel that he is in control. So he chooses to stop jumping. But if he continues to jump, then you have him sit in time-out. Once he has been in time-out, you get to his level of eye contact. Talk to him and ask him if he knows why he had to sit in time-out. If he says no, explain to him that he was jumping on the couch and you gave him a choice to either stop jumping on the couch or sit in time-out. “You chose to keep jumping on the couch.”
Depending on the child’s age, in the beginning, if they continue, you will want to ask them a second time. Make sure the child understands. Have him or her give their choice. As you get into a pattern, it becomes easy and the child will automatically will choose the better deal and you are raising a child with learning how to make good choices, better behavior, and feeling a positive love from parenting.
It may take some time to get into this pattern. If your child is used to a different pattern, don’t give up. It may also be challenging for you too, but if you hang in there you will be glad that you did. Be consistent. If you don’t, this only tells the child that you can be a pushover or you’re not serious.
If you are able to get into a class for parenting, I would; how do you want your kids to remember you?
Positive love is better.
My son is seventeen. Where have the years gone? He has been and still is a joy. The younger years were the easiest though.