D: “Holy crap!” (sounding like something shocked him, especially since we don’t use that word in front of the kids)
M: “What?!” (thinking a kid was doing something incredibly dangerous and that they would be going to the Children’s Close to Home Urgent Care... again.)
D: “Is that a real spider?!” (sounding very concerned with a strong undertone of ‘no way I am touching that thing!’)
M: “Spider?! Where????” (thinking if daddy is afraid of it that she might never be able to sleep in this house again as surely it is a tarantula or at least something big and hairy)
D: “On the window sill. Is that a real spider?!” (clearly concerned)
M: “What? Where? Ohhhhhh... um...no, that can’t be real.” (said hopefully, while saying a prayer and heart is racing)
Pan over to family room, Ethan enters kitchen after overhearing panicked conversation between mommy and daddy.
E: “That’s not real. Uh, sorry, I put it there and forgot about it.” (sounding like “really, you’re the people that are supposed to protect me and you’re afraid of a plastic spider?”)
D: “Are you SURE you put that there Ethan?” (still an entire table length away from it)
E: “Uh, yes dad. I’m sure. I put it there. If you touch it, it will be hard as a rock. Trust me.” (Confidently walking towards it)
D: “Ethan, are you SURE? I don’t remember you having a spider that big.” (panicking as Ethan gets closer)
E: “Yes, yes ... it’s mine. It will be hard as a rock. Trust me.”
Mommy edges up to Ethan, just in case it isn’t fake and then she reaches for it (she doesn’t want her baby to touch it if it is real)—still very nervous though - after all the man of the house is still very far away and skeptical AND he’s the resident spider catcher! Sure enough, it IS hard and it IS fake and mommy and daddy breath a collective sigh.
Ethan then walks around giggling about the fact that his parents were afraid of a little plastic spider.
Daddy comments once more that he really didn’t think Ethan had a spider that big.
Mommy laughs so hard she cries and can’t breathe for a few minutes ... but at least she can sleep tonight.