Ok, so now I understand. After growing up abused by my father and neglected by my mother, I now understand I deserve the best. I mean, why is it wrong to feel like I deserve the best?
I had low self-esteem, I hated myself, I tried killing myself, my last boyfriend cheated on me because he felt like I was too much for him and yet not good enough. I work my ass of and I do the best I can.
I am out of work right now. Before I got my job, I was living in my friend’s basement with my children. I was on welfare. I had no one to turn to. Instead of supporting me even if I make a wrong decision my mother just tells me what to do because she wants control of every thing and everybody. I am broken physically, mentally, and emotionally. I asked for support and was kicked to the curb like a dog. I felt useless. I felt like I was not good enough for any man.
For three years, I have been at my job. I started off afraid; I let people walk all over me. I was ignorant of what it meant to be at the “top of your game” at this job. I stared at the bottom; I always said yes and never said no. Ms. Tiffany Rose came in and she was the best. She was light, she was brilliant, a great teacher, but when she cracked the whip she cracked it. I let her walk all over me and that’s when the ball started rolling. I started lesson plans and assessments; I opened up just a little. I was a little less awkward. Then when I got bounced from classroom to classroom I landed with Ms. Natalie Taylor.
I let everybody walk all over me but she was different. Tiffany had the education and Natalie had the experience. But being with her brought me to the top of my game. I don’t deserve the worst there is. I don’t even ask. But I reached an unattainable goal and was knocked down. I am getting back up with all my might. I am moving forward. And when I reach the top I will be sure the hold my hand out and pull someone else up to the top of their game.